REASON THREE - To Look Good

I don't know if other people would agree or not, but I personally think I look better thin. Maybe its because I have more confidence and that comes across as beauty, or maybe its cuz having more confidence makes me want to take better care of myself - but whatever it is, I think that making all this effort is worth it because I like looking good.

(wow that was a vain little post... but you guys know what I'm trying to say, right?)

REASON TWO - Clothes That Fit

I made this top ten list back in January - and this is the order they came to my mind then. I have to say that this reason itself was more one of my initial reasons for working hard at the weight loss - the more I lose, the more I have clothes of all different sizes around to wear. Right now, I have clothes anywhere from size 9 (snug!) to size 14 (way too big) in my closet. But, I much prefer to wear the smaller ones and have them look good. My newest clothes are all the smaller ones - they were bought a couple of years ago - and so I really want to be able to wear them as opposed to my larger ones that were mostly bought in like 2002 before we moved to Japan.

Anyway, that is today's reason for remembering:

Don't sacrifice what you want most for what you want at the moment!

REASON ONE - Self Esteem

I think one of the biggest reasons that I've wanted to lose weight, and one of the rewards that I've enjoyed most so far is the fact that it increases my self-esteem. I have no idea why this is, and it makes me mad, because i know there are millions of overweight people in the world who are struggling with poor self esteem as a result, which is sad. BUT for whatever reason, losing weight does make me feel MUCH more confident about myself, much more beautiful, much more worthy, and just gives me a general aura that I know has not been there for most of my life. And I enjoy that. So, I've chosen it as reason #1 why I've been working on this so hard, and why I will continue to keep going - even when it is stinking tough, like this week is for some reason.
I deserve to lose weight and I deserve my self-respect. And I deserve to feel that confidence that comes with it.

As a side note, my big mantra this week has been "Don't give up what you want most for what you want at the moment" - I can't believe how often I've been chanting that to myself to avoid making poor eating choices... but so far its working.

(("Don't give up what you want most for what you want at the moment""Don't give up what you want most for what you want at the moment""Don't give up what you want most for what you want at the moment""Don't give up what you want most for what you want at the moment""Don't give up what you want most for what you want at the moment""Don't give up what you want most for what you want at the moment"... ))

:o) Just thought I'd let you in on whats going on in my head today...

Here's to sticking to it and having good self esteem ... because we all deserve it.

Rethinking the Plan

Well, I went to Weight Watchers yesterday and got a surprise - I had gained 0.2 over the past 2 weeks. My first reaction was to want to burst into tears right there (thankfully I held back). Its so frustrating being only 6 pounds (well 6.2 now) from my next big goal of being able to go to WW for free - and then to have a setback. I'm so close!!!! Grrrr. I know all of the things that I'm supposed to remember - like 1) I've been exercising and so I'm building muscle, 2) the scale is just one way to know how I'm doing - I should also look at how I feel and how I look, 3) the scale could be reflecting a difference in what I was wearing or had eaten that day compared to other weeks, 4) not to let it bother me, just keep on going and the pounds will come off.

I know all that.

BUT, I was still right ripped about it and sad too. I thought I had been busting my butt over the past 2 weeks and I wanted results!!!!

But I have to say that I came home and thought about it some more and decided that maybe I hadn't been as strict as I'd thought over the past 2 weeks. For one thing, I only got 5 stars in those 14 days that indicate a perfect day of points eating (with NO bonus points being used). For another thing, I was taking the Activity Points (APs) that I was earning and I was eating them every day. And for a 3rd thing - gaining 0.2 is not really a gain - its pretty much maintenance. And so that means that I just need to cut back a point or 2 daily from what I've been doing.

So, I think the new plan has to be something like this:

• I will stay within my 23 points every day this week.
• I will not use any bonus points at all.
• Instead, I will tally up my APs each day and use those as my bonus points throughout the week (because they are transferable - you can save them up and use them all at once, as long as you use them within that week).
• I will not let this discourage me and cause me to binge or give up. But MAN its frustrating.

As an example of my frustration, let me pick on my dear sweet husband, who just had his birthday on Monday. We got an ice cream cake for him on the weekend, and let me tell you - I have not had even ONE peice of it. Not one. He has been having at least a big peice a day since Sunday. In addition to this, we bought him a Mississippi Mud Pie frozen pie about a week ago - for him to have as treats in the evenings, while I'm having my Vitamuffin sundaes. He wasn't having any treats for the longest time, while I was sitting there with my sundaes, and so I bought him his own, because the Vitamuffins are too expensive to share.

ANYWAY, so he has also been having a peice of 12 point mudpie almost every evening for the past week or more. And it hasn't bothered me at all really. I generally like my vitamuffin sundaes and I know its all for the greater cause of losing weight, which is what I really want more than that food.

But last night, when he came downstairs with his mudpie after having a peice of ice cream cake for dessert after supper - I just about lost it! Luckily it came out as a joking rant with much ranting and stuff, and not actually as anger - because it is not Trevor's fault that he is 150 pounds and has been since I met him, give or take 5 pounds. (Literally, he's never been more than 155 or less than 145 in the 12 years that I've known him). Its not his fault that I was eating only a 1 point vitamuffin and exercising like a crazy fool and that I gained 0.2. And he IS really very supportive, which I appreciate, ... but darnit - at that moment, I realized that I'm getting VERY TIRED of being good!!!!

So, here's what I need to do. I need to remember why I'm doing this and that it is worth it. So, this week, I'm going to post every day about a different reason why it is worth it to me to keep going.

And it IS worth it.

That is my rant for the day and my new plan for the week. Sorry it was long - but I had to get that off my chest.

I Did It!

I set 24 APs as my goal for this week and I have finished it! WOOHOO!

I'm a little nervous about weigh-in today though, because for some reason my scale seems to be refusing to work this morning (dead battery??) and so I have no idea what to expect. Normally I weigh at home first and that way there are no surprises... So we will see.

I'll keep you posted.

The Day That Pigs Fly

I think that day has arrived.

Because I just jogged for 20 minutes straight.

By Choice.

And I didn't die... in fact, I feel quite good.

Weird.

Weighty Matters

Hey, I don't know if any of you have checked out the blog "Weighty Matters" (over to the right in my "blog list" section) - but his post today about Congenital Happiness Sufferers is pretty hilarious. You can click on it to the right or click here to see todays post. :o)

Happy Friday Everyone!

Plugging Away

Oh, I almost gave up this week - the bandwagon is a very tipsy thing - and it is SO SO SO easy to fall right off. We went to Saskatoon last weekend to visit Trev's parents and had a lovely time. I stayed right on track on Friday on the drive up there (which is something I'm proud of) and actually, I did really really well on Saturday (which was Valentine's Day and included a crazy fun time of watersliding, as well as a BIG meal out at Moxie's) - and doing well, despite that big meal, is another thing I'm really proud of.

What I'm not proud of is that on Sunday (after the pressure-filled Valentine's Day was over) I fell off of that stupid bandwagon. And do you know why?? Because I got too hungry, and then made a poor decision about lunch (Vern's by the slice, for those of you who know what that is) and then, my crazy brain playing my silly mind-games took it from there.

Because, in my head, you can't have a little slip up for lunch and then finish the day well. Oh no. Once I've made one little mistake - THAT'S IT!!! IT'S ALL OVER!!! PUT AWAY YOUR TRACKER AND GO TO TOWN, BABY!!!!

Grrr.

So. It took me until yesterday to finally get back on track after said slip-up. And I find it very interesting because Weight Watchers' big thing lately is to be careful not to get too hungry. ((as an aside - isn't that SO different than Weigh Down was??!!)) Anyway, I think they're right. If you are able to make your food decisions before you are totally famished, you will think more clearly. Interesting.

So, Monday I ate everything in sight. Tuesday, I tried to get back on the bandwagon by writing everything down again and getting on the treadmill again. But as previously mentioned, that bandwagon is a peskily slippery thing, and is not easy to get onto. And then finally, yesterday I did stay within my points.

yay.

Now the trick will be to stick with it. I have 6 pounds to lose, and have changed my goal date to March 24th - which is the one year anniversary of joining WW last time. I think that 6 pounds in 5 weeks is a lot more do-able for me than 6 pounds in 4 weeks. For some reason, even losing a pound a week is a majorly difficult thing for me.

Oh, and yes, I do know that this sort of a number goal is not good and will only make me frustrated when all of my good efforts don't work. But I'm still doing it. :o)

Okay, that's enough babble from me today. Happy Thursday everyone.

Sisters

I am so lucky to have the best sister in the world. We are the bestest of friends and I love her very much. And I want to be just like her. But one way that I have not often been like her in my life is our sizes. She has always been much thinner than me. And I think she's awesome for doing that - both my mom and I have struggled with our weight and eating our whole lives, so its amazing that Leanne didn't pick that up too!! I thought that I would go back and find a few pictures of Leanne and I as kids to post here, but I just kept finding more and more and ended up doing somewhat of a montage of our lives instead! :o) This was probably more fun for me to do than for you to read, but what the heck.

So, here are Leanne and I in pictures:

(Mom, you should probably have a kleenex in hand for this post...)

1983 (I think this was Leanne's one month birthday)

Easter 1986
My first day of grade 5, her first day of Kindergarten - 1988

First day of my grade 9, her grade 4 - 1992
My first day of grade 12, her grade 7 - 1995 My high school grad - 1996
My wedding day - 1999

Her high school grad - 2001 During Mom & Leanne's visit to Japan - Christmas 2002
Her wedding day - 2003
Leanne visiting me (pregnant with William) in New Brunswick - August, 2005
Another visit to NB, just after William was born - December, 2005

A visit here while I was pregnant with Elan - February, 2008
At her University grad just after Elan was born - April, 2008 I think its safe to say that I've never been upset with Leanne for being thin or been jealous of her in a nasty way - but I have always wanted to be just like her. And so, the following story made me very happy...

Yesterday evening, I went out grocery shopping by myself, just to get a few quick things. I went up to the check out line and at the front were my Uncle Dale, Auntie Annette, and 2 cousins. So, I kinda quickly bumped in line and just said "HI" and then went back to my spot. I noticed Uncle Dale looked at me a little bit oddly, and then after they were done checking out, came back to talk to me some more. He came back and said, "What are YOU doing here all by yourself??" And I said, "well, Trevor is at home with the kids..." and he suddenly looked all embarrassed, and said to me "OOOH!! Have you lost some weight or something???" :o) And I said, "WHY, Yes I have!" (I was also wearing my contacts, which are a new thing for me...) And he again, looked embarassed and said, "oh, I'm sorry! I thought..." and I said "You thought I was Leanne, didn't you!!?" And he had.

YES!!!


It was a happy little moment for me.

I love my sister and I am excited that as I'm getting thinner, we're starting to look even more alike. Now, if I could just get braces like she did....

Perseverance, Not Perfection

That is what I've been reminding myself of since yesterday evening, when after officially achieving a 40 pounds weight loss, I proceeded to come home, bake cookies, and easily consume at least 30 points worth of cookie dough and cookies - probably more.
BOO BOO BOO

But - I am always talking about not letting little slip-ups cause you to fall down, and so I am trying to take my own advice and look for the positive in this.

And here it is:
1. Last night's binge was my first binge since I started this whole "lose 10 pounds in 10 weeks" thing - which was on Tuesday, January 6th... which means that I didn't binge like a crazy person once in 5 whole weeks. Which I am proud of.
2. I'm glad I did it because it reminded me how much I hate overeating. I felt SO GROSS after and I felt so guilty and my self-esteem took a down turn and I just re-realized that pigging out isn't the fun that people often think it is.
3. Feeling fat and overfull yesterday motivated me more to exercise today, so I actually got up this morning at 6:30 and had finished my treadmill routine by 7:15 am. That made me feel good.

So, those are the positive things I'm taking from this. I know for a fact that my home-made cookies are my biggest downfall. For the longest time, I wasn't even allowed to make them (by my own rules). Then this week, we decided that we want to stop spending money on pre-packed-type foods for Trevor's lunch and start making them and packing them ourselves (ie. pudding, applesauce, cookies, rice krispie squares, V8 bottles, etc...) BUT, which item on that list did I proceed to prepare at home first?? The cookies. Big mistake.

And so, I think I've decided that for the couple extra dollars a month, cookies will have to continue to be the one item that we buy prepacked.

On another note - I had to up my jogging routine again today (every Weds is a new week in the program) and before I started, I really didn't think I'd be able to do it - I thought I'd totally die of exaustion - but after last night, I was more motivated to try - and I DID it and am feeling so proud and good and full of energy now. Hooray.

Here is what I'm on this week:
Theres always a brisk 5 minute walk to warm up first.
Then I did a 3 minute jog, 90 second walk, 5 minute jog, 2 and a half minute walk, 3 minute jog, 90 second walk, 5 minute jog, and then a cool down walk (which was about 4 minutes I think).

Seriously, if you'd asked me earlier in my life if I thought I'd ever do this on purpose (and enjoy it!!) - I would have said you're crazy!! If I can start doing this exercise, ANYONE CAN. So, if you happen to be one of my readers who doesn't exercise but wishes they did - I know how you feel and I just want to say that you can do it. Start slow with walking or whatever. You'll be happy you did.

One more thing - I just wanted you to know that I am currently wearing a pair of hand-me-down pants from my sister-in-law (Thanks Kerri!) that are SIZE NINE!!!!! (This is the first size 9 I think I've ever worn ... or at least I never wore a size 9 in my life before WW last time around). I can't believe they fit and I'm super excited about that. I got them last summer when we were visiting Chad and Kerri - back when I was size 16 or so. I took them in good faith that I would one day get to the point of fitting into them and here I am!! Yay! :o) So, these pants and the jogging this morning are making my day and I just wanted to share that with you.

Have a Happy Wednesday Friends!!!

40 Pounds Down

Yay, I did it - I'm now down 40.2 lbs. And now I still have 6 pounds to lose till my next goal. My original plan was to try to do that by March 17th. However, I've been realizing lately that setting a numerical goal like that is setting me up for failure - because I've been doing everything I can but haven't been maintaining the loss I'd hoped for. Well, that makes me feel bad, when really I shouldn't because I've been doing everything I can!!! So, I'm going to continue with my jogging and start again tomorrow with the tracking of my points (I've had a few slack days here) and drink my water and that's the best I can do! And it is working. And that's all I can ask for!

(but if I lost 6 pounds in the next 5 weeks, I would be very happy with myself too)

:o)

Enjoying Exercise????!!!!????

Yeah, I just have to say that I'm shocking myself lately with how much I'm actually enjoying the exercise. SO WEIRD!! I have HATED exercise all my life. Hated it. But, I have done my walk/jogs daily for the past 11 days and have for the past 4 days added a sculpting weight work-out thing that I really like as well. And I actually love it.

I can't believe I just said that.

And - Trev and I each get monthly allowances of money to spend on whatever we want - mine is usually clothes or maybe a book, or something fun for the house or something. But yesterday, I spent my allowance on work-out pants (I already had the top), some 5 pound weights and a tension band thingy (see the pic below). I spent my free money on work-out stuff!

Seriously, I'm just having a hard time understanding myself lately.

But, I'm loving it, and so I will continue to do it. Its become MY thing each day - my time for me... and the kids are starting to get used to it. Today William was exercising with me. Too cute. I'm glad - one of my reasons for wanting to lose weight and get in shape is so that I can be a good role model for my kids. I'm glad its already kicking in.

This Weight In History

I think I've mentioned before that I have always been an overweight kind of person. And so, I don't remember ever being 160 pounds as I was growing up - I was probably too young to care about what I weighed when I was 160 pounds as a kid. The first I can recall, I was already in the 180's and then when I started to be proactive about my weight, I was 213 pounds. The first thing I did as an adult was the Weigh Down Diet - as I've mentioned before. I started that at 203 pounds in May, 1997 and over the next 4 years, lost about 40 pounds, eventually getting down to 160 pounds in the summer of 2001. Here is a picture of me taken then:

This was me at my lightest ever - and I loved it. However, it didn't last. I got as low as 157 (when I had the flu in the fall of 2001) and then slowly started to gain it back until I had William and eventually joined Weight Watchers in May of 2006. I then started to lose again, and it was December, 2006 when I finally got back to my lowest weight ever of 160. Here is a picture of me then: (What was with my hair!!!??!!) :o)
I continued to lose till goal, and then the rest is history. But I thought I'd share this with you, because I am now at this significant weight again - finally just below 160 - and it feels good. This is the weight at which I start to get some self-confidence and start to see that I CAN be thin. And so, I will keep-a-going. Just for good measure, here is a picture of me now (at about 159 pounds):

ONLY ONE POUND!

I found the following at a friend's friend's blog ... thought it was too true not to share:

Hello, do you know me?
If you don’t, you should. I’m a pound of fat.
And I’m the HAPPIEST pound of fat that you would ever want to meet. Want to know why?
It’s because no one ever wants to lose me; I’m ONLY ONE POUND, just a pound!
Everyone wants to lose three pounds, five pounds or fifteen pounds, but never only one.
So I just stick around and happily keep you fat.
Then I add to myself, ever so slyly, so that you never seem to notice it.
That is, until I’ve grown to ten, twenty, thirty or even more pounds in weight.
Yes, it’s fun being ONLY ONE POUND OF FAT, left to do as I please. So, when you weigh in keep right on saying, “Oh, I only lost one pound.” (As if that was such a terrible thing.)
For you see, if you do this, you’ll encourage others to keep me around because they’ll think I’m not worth losing.
And, I love being around you – your arms, your legs, your chin, your hips and every part of you. Happy Days!!
After all, I’m ONLY ONE POUND OF FAT!!!
~Author Unknown