I'll be back

A few have you have left comments in the last few days wondering where I've been. I really appreciate that. Christmas was rough... No, scratch that ... Christmas was wonderful!!! We had a great time. I may have eaten a lot and really enjoyed myself, lol!! Now that January is here, I know I need to get my butt in gear, and I've started by going on the treadmill a few times for a walk. That's been good. It's been interesting approaching the holiday season and especially the new year with this new attitude of trying to love myself ... It's a whole new concept!!!
Unfortunately now I'm sick... UGH!!! So I'm going to cut myself a little slack for now. I will get back to this Asap. But I just wanted to say thank you for checking in on me. I appreciate it!!

Also?? I made this post on my iPhone using voice text-- I didn't type a word of it-- just spoke the words into my phone and added punctuation!! Amazing, eh!?!?!?

And also?

I feel as though my progress with the "Heal Overeating: Untangled" (or First Ourselves) has been quite s-l-o-w and I know it is because I haven't been dedicating enough time/effort/attention to working on it.  I bought it two months ago, and have only just started week three of the program.  In the beginning, I was advised to get some accountability, or rather, support partners to help me out.  I kinda chickened out and didn't really try too hard to set something official up for that, and I can tell that that wasn't smart of me. 
SO, like i said in the post below, I think I'm going to use this blog as a place to journal my thoughts (we're supposed to have a journal for this process, but MAN does writing ever take longer than typing!)  and I'm going to ask a few friends to kinda check up on me here every now and then, and also just in general I will know that I have friends who are reading here every now and then as well.
So, I'm going to post this, then post a link to it on facebook to remind people that this blog exists, since I've been ignoring it for like a year, and then I'm going to make myself post here on a somewhat regular basis.  And also, I'm going to perhaps start over with my 12 week program.  And try to actually do each week in a week or two, rather than in a month!  :)
Okay, here we go!

First Ourselves

Hello!  I am thinking about using this blog again in the next while, so I stopped by here this evening to see what its looking like.  :)  If any of you are interested in what I have been up to weight-watching-wise in the past while, you can check out what I've been working on since October at http://www.firstourselves.org/ - I have actually purchased the 12 week program called "Heal Overeating: Untangled" and so far I am really appreciating the new outlook it is helping me to have towards food, overeating, and just myself in general.
One major part of what I'm supposed to do is to get some support, so I'm thinking that I will use this blog partly for that, as well as asking a few people to be my official support partners.
Anyway that is where I'm hanging out these days - at firstourselves.org and just wanted to share! :)

SMART goal for this week

I weighed in a TOPS last night - lost 0.2 this week.  Guess that's something.  But what I'm here to share is that this week's SMART goal for me is: TO TRACK WHAT I EAT!!!  This has been on my list of goals for a verry verrrrrry long time, but I haven't done it for more than a day here or a day there for the past few months.  I've been rocking the exercise lately, and I know that if I were to actually get my eating under control, the pounds would just melt away because of the exercise I've been doing. 
I've been trying to use WW online to track and for some reason, that's not really working for me.  So, I'm now trying out myfitnesspal.com - which, incidentally, is FREE OF CHARGE!!! Why would I ever stick with WW online and pay money when I could do the same thing for free at myfitnesspal?? I don't know. 
So, this day, today is the first day that i am actually tracking everything - and I'm doing it over there at myfitnesspal.  If you're on there, feel free to add me - colleen_p is me.  I'd love to have you there with me.  :)
And I will report back here on how the tracking is doing - I really really wanna stick with it this time.

Sunday, April 10th

I have a whole post I want to write about my goals that I had below - but that's gonna have to wait.  I'm only here today because I NEED to get back on track with my food tracking.  And so, I told my accountability group that I would post my food for today here, and so here I am...

Today, so far, I have eaten:
1 eggo with 1C of diced peaches and 1 TBSP of fatfree cool whip (total of 2 points plus)
3 bites of Elan's eggo with sliced bananas and coolwhip (1 point)
1 "swig" of Elan's 2% milk... maybe 1/8 C? (1 point)
16 or so pita chips (2 point)
3 TBSP hummus (3 points)
1 apple (0 points)
Extreme Pita - Small Whole Wheat Veggie pita with feta cheese and vinagrette and also a cookie (drank water) (total 9 points?)
3/4 of a veggie burger with fat free cheese and bbq sauce (other condiments were 0 pointers) (6 points?)
1/3 C macaroni salad (3 points?)
5C popcorn and coke zero (hmmm...4 points?)
For a total of 31 points
I have 28 per day, with also 49 flex points per week, so I've used all my points, plus 3 flex points today.

SMART Goals

I just read this post HERE about setting SMART goals for oneself.  I found it inspiring and so, I'd like to do the same.  SMART goals are: Specific, Motivational, Attainable, Relevant, and Time-bound and they are something I haven't set for myself in a very, VERY long time.
I have to say that I joined TOPS last week, and while I'm somewhat excited about the support aspect of that, I have done nothing - NOTHING differently this week to try to lose weight.  Like, no exercise, no tracking of eating (for more than 3 hours each day anyway), and not a lot of restriction on treats and stuff.  And I am hating myself for it, and thinking - if joining a new weight loss program has done ABSOLUTELY NOTHING to motivate me, what will?? Ugh.
I think that perhaps setting extremely small goals for myself would be a start.  So, I will brainstorm about that here.  I haven't thought ahead about this at all, so bear with me if I ramble a bit.
For end goals, I would like:
-to have lost 25 pounds - i.e. to weigh 148 lbs.
-to be jogging regularly again - and to jog another 10K race in June.
-to be tracking what I eat on a regular basis.
-to fit back into my size 8 clothes
-to not huff and puff when I go up the stairs
-to be able to show my dear children what a healthy diet looks like and what healthy daily choices looks like and what knowing restraint looks like
-to be able to get dressed each day without feeling like nothing fits at all.

Alright, the only way to make those things happen is if I set more specific goals or milestones along the way.  And I must remember to make these goals Specific, Motivational, Attainable, Relevant, and Time-bound.

• So, to break the 25 pound loss goal into this idea, that would need to be in smaller increments.  So, I kid you not, I think my first goal must be to lose ONE pound.  I'm not even kidding.  That would be a big deal to me right now - since all I feel like I've done for a long, long time is to go up.  So, I want to lose one pound, i.e. be 172 pounds.   After that, I'll up it a tiny bit, but still make it very small, so as not to feel overwhelmed.  So, my next goal will be to lose 2 pounds (i.e. be 170 lbs), then to lose 3 pounds (167 lbs), to lose 4 (163 lbs), to lose 5 (158 lbs).  I will, of course, be re-assessing these goals along the way.
• In order to work towards jogging - I will start with a goal of getting on the treadmill to walk or whatever just 2 times this week.  Weeks start on Mondays and end on Sundays.  Then next week, I'll up it to 3 times.  After that, perhaps, I'll work towards adding in some jogging.  So, my goal is that by the end of March, I'll be used to going on the treadmill 3 times per week, and I will jog for at least 5 minutes in each time.  In April, I will re-assess and add new goals.
• Part of the difficulty I've been having is WHEN to go on the treadmill - I like to do it in the morning, but have been staying up WAAAAAY too late and so, I haven't been doing it.  As such, another goal I'm setting is to be in bed by 10:30 on a regular basis.  Maybe I'll say that on Fridays and Saturdays I can stay up later, but the rest of the week, lights out at 10:30.
• And the tracking goal.  Well, this week, I'd just like to track every single thing I eat - doesn't matter how much I eat - just track it.  Then, next week, I'll try to stay within my weekly allowance with the flex points and stuff.  By the end of March, I'd like to have worked up to tracking every week and staying in my points - and I'd really love to stay within my daily allowance and save my extra flex points all for the weekends or 2 specific cheat-type days.  But for now, just track - no matter what it is.

And it would appear that those are the only measurable, attainable goals that I can set from what I listed at the beginning - if I do these things, then I will very likely lose weight, and the rest will follow. 

My printer is broken right now, but when our replacement comes this week, I will print this list off and put it on the fridge or something to remind myself about this. 

Also, I am hoping to start a weight watchers-type accountability group that meets at my home each week.  My goal for this week is to pin down a day for this and get the plans rolling so that by next week, we could possibly have our first meeting.  If you're interested in joining, please let me know! :)

Thanks for "listening" to me blather on, everyone.  This has been a good mental exercise for me. 

Well, Hello There!

I canNOT believe that its been three and a half months since I have posted here!!  Honestly, that is insane.  One might be lead to believe that I have given up altogether on WW and that I am gaining weight hopelessly.  Thankfully, that is not the case.  I have been plugging away since November - doing what was my best at the time to eat what I should and still live my life.  And the result has been to maintain the weight I was in November.
I joined Weight Watchers Online in November, and honestly I have really been liking it for many reasons.  However, the reason that I initially joined was to find a support group of people who would hold me accountable and stick with me, and that is the one thing I am not impressed with the WW online for.  I feel like a total island - no one knows I'm there, and so I could disappear and no one would care or call me on it.  And that is not good.  So, that is something I'm still searching for me in my life - an accountability system (of people who are like me or who understand what it is like). 
But the thing I DO like about WW online is the way it is set up for tracking what you eat and when you exercise and how it calcluates point for you - especially the way it calculates points even of recipes you make and things. There is no more excuse to not know the number of points of something you're eating!  I love that.
Anyway, that is what I have been up to around here.  I was recently inspired to start blogging about my weight loss/food addiction issues again by a blog I came across called Diary of a Fat Dad.  It is inspiring to me that he lays it all out there for the world to read and is honest about his thoughts and feelings.  I admit that I have often used this blog as a place to post when I'm doing well, or close to doing well - and not so much when I struggle.  But that is HARD to do - to lay it all out there.  I have been inspired to try anyway.  But for now, I'm just here - making sure my blog hasn't disappeared - and saying hello.   I'm not committing to anything yet, just saying that I'm thinking about it! 
Oh, and p.s. another blog I'm loving these days is a friend of mine's from high school - she's on a mission to turn herself into a slim and muscular goddess or something! :)  You can check her blog out here - called Chunky Monkey: Slaying the Fat Monster.  :)
That's it for now!

Well, That Didn't Work

... but I won't give up.  Hence, the title of this blog.

We tried the facebook group - and it just kind of dwindled, which is okay - nobody's fault.  I think its just a testimony to the fact that going to an actual weight watcher's meeting at a specific time, seeing people face to face is so much better than an online group that you can kind of ignore and let go (myself included in that!).  And so, I think possibly, I'm going to have to figure out a way to get back to those meetings.  SIGH.  They are expensive and they are at a terrible time of day (5:45 pm)... but I need them.  Let's face it.

Thanks for sticking with me friends.  I'm not giving up.  In fact, I'm trying to formulate some sort of plan between now and Christmas, where I stick to it and try to lose a bit before the holidays.  I know the basis of that plan should just be writing down what I eat - especially writing down what I eat, and not going over my daily points allowance, not even flex points.  Cuz I now that's what I need to do to lose. 

Its just so hard.  And I really am tempted to give up.  But I can't.

I won't.

So, on with the journey...

Facebook Page

Wow, look at me go with two posts in one day!! :)
I just thought I'd let you know that I did create a facebook page.  I'm not totally sure, but I think how it works is that if you click that you like the page, then whenever anyone writes on it, it will show up in your newsfeed... is that right?  Guess we'll just have to try it out and see how it works.  If you have any friends that would like to be a part of the fun, feel free to send them the link too.
Here it is: http://www.facebook.com/pages/Track-and-Train-2010/144562302240862?v=wall
Check it out and feel free to join if you're interested in being a part of the fun!

Summer Update

My friend Amanda posted a link to my blog today.  I clicked on it and realized I haven't updated this thing in almost THREE stinking months!!! ACK.
So, here I am.
I'm doing pretty well.  I've been jogging a few days a week throughout the summer and trying (mostly half-heartedly, except for a few weeks in July) to track what I eat and stuff.  This attitude has resulted in me pretty much maintaining my weight.  Well, really I've gained about 4 pounds since March - so not quite a maintenance. 
This would all be great if I was at my goal, but sadly, I've slowly crept up to the point of being 15 pounds above it.  UGH.
So, I'm thinking that since I seem to know (roughly) how to do maintenance, I'd like to seriously SERIOUSLY try to do a crazy blitz and get myself back down to my goal.  I know you should never set dates and stuff, but really, by Christmas, shouldn't I be able to lose those 15 pounds?!  Seriously, I don't think I'm crazy to think its possible!!
I have two plans.
The first is that I'm thinking of doing my 10K training program all over again.  I'm thinking of shooting for a run date of the end of October.  I hope Amanda doesn't hate that I'm kind of copying her, but since she's shooting to run 10K then, I thought I could kind of be her cyber buddy and do it with her.  Also, I've been jogging with my mom this summer, but we're looking for something a bit more concrete as far as training goes - and the 10K prep plan is good for that.  You can click here to go see what the program is.  Since its an 8 week thing, if I plan to do the run on Halloween, I would have to start the training on September 5th.  That gives me two weeks to get this organized.  I know my mom is in, and I think my Auntie Holly might be interested too.  She's started jogging with my mom and I this summer too.
I'm wondering if anyone else is interested in doing this cyber training along with us? We could formulate a whole group of people who are kinda doing the same things on the same days and that would be great for support.  I don't know if we could use email or facebook or something to keep in touch, but I think accountability and support are SOOOOOOOO important.
Also.
Last time I did the 10K training program, I ate waay more than usual because I figured I was earning it and deserved it, and what do you know? I gained weight while doing all that exercise.  Not exactly what I had in mind.
So.
This time, I want to also have a strict policy of tracking what I eat in addition to the training.  And I really am hoping to have an accountability group for that too.  Perhaps the same group of people, perhaps not... I'll take whatever I can get.
So, here's what I'm wondering - are any of you interested in tracking and training along with me?  We could even name it something nifty like the "Fall 2010 Eight Week Track and Train" or something.  :)  lol 
Give it a thought friends.  I know that I, for one, am tired of not being in control of what I eat.  And I know that if I don't start to get on top of it, I will be 300 pounds in about 5 years.   But I know its totally preventable.  And I want to make sure that I do indeed prevent it from happening.
Thanks for listening to my crazy ramble.  I hope you've all been having a lovely summer, and please, PLEASE, let me know if you're interested in any part of this here plan and we'll see if we can't get it together together.  :)

Bad News, Good News

Just thought I'd pop in on my own blog at least once a month to say that I'm still here! And I'm still exercising - I'm up to jogging 4 miles without stopping now, which is a big feat for me!! As a result of all the jogging, I'm definitely finding I'm more hungry, which doesn't help too much with the eating. I've been half-heartedly counting points this month, which is alright, but I'd like to get back to counting more faithfully for sure.

So the bad news? I weighed myself today for the first time in a month - and I weigh the exact same thing I did a month ago. I was hoping that the jogging would result in some good loss of weight. However, the eating has kinda balanced that exercise out, I guess.

And the good news? Is that I weigh exactly what I did a month ago, and not more. :o)

Exercising Away

Well, I'm still around and I'm really kicking myself for not keeping up with my blogging about stuff like I want to. But, better late than never, so here I am!
I did what I said I was going to do last time I blogged, and went hardcore for a few weeks of being "perfect" - it actually started to work quite well - and I'm starting to feel thinner and better, which is great.
A couple of weeks ago, I started training for a 10K run that is happening here on June 19th. I'm sure most of you already know about it from facebook, but I haven't mentioned it here yet. The training program that we're following is something that my friend Amy and her husband found, and Amy and I have been doing it together for a couple of weeks now - well 2 weeks and 3 days, to be exact.
Before we started it, the longest I'd ever run was about 20 minutes (about 1.5 or so miles at the most, I think), and that had been a stinking miracle for me. The last time I had done that was over a year ago, and I had since really fallen off of the jogging bandwagon. oops. So, now that we have started really training, it has been kind of a crazy learning curve - the first jog we had to do, for example, was 2 miles - and we really wanted to do it all at once - no walking and jogging mixed. ACK! Well, we did fairly well - ended up walking the last bit of it (because of me). But since then, we haven't walked at all and we've been doing longer ones as well - 2.5 miles, and 3 miles so far. This coming Sunday, we're up to 3.5 miles. (ACK).
What is awesome about all of this is seeing what I'm capable of. I NEVER would have thought I could even do what we've been doing so far (let alone what is coming up soon...). Amy is such a great friend - she has been very good about encouraging (and forcing) me to get out and do my best (which turns out to be better than I'd thought). She's patient and fun and I'm really glad to have her for my training partner!!
What is not so good, is that all of this exercise makes a person hungry, and I have started to fall of the counting-my-points bandwagon. I'm still doing fairly well, but not perfectly, which will probably just mean I'll end up staying the same and not losing weight. And I'd really like to lose a tiny bit more so that my clothes start to fit comfortably again.
SO, I really need to get back at it. I tend to want to dwell on the fact that I've screwed up - that I screwed up my 50 days of perfection, for example. I know I really need to focus instead on what I'm doing well (EXERCISE!) and that I've also counted points really well for the most part. I need to not get discouraged by slow weight loss. Its all about perserverance and life change, not perfection or losing weight super quickly. I just need to make life habits and I can stick with. I know all that in my head, but I need to know it in my heart too. So, I will work on that.
In the mean time, I really want to go comfort myself with food right now, cuz my sister left for Europe today, which makes her unavailable to talk on the phone our usual 6 times per day. And also, we got a bit of bad-ish news about another family member's health - which I'll tell you more about later... and all I want is a brownie sundae. ((SIGH))
Anyway, that's what I"m thinking about today. Just thought I'd share.

WW Success Story

I really liked this success story that I read today and thought I'd share it with you:
http://www.weightwatchers.ca/success/art/index.aspx?SuccessStoryId=7121&sc=17

I think the main reason I loved it is that this lady lost 115 pounds (!!!) and it took her 3 years to do it. She said most of her losses were about 1/2 pound per week, and that the important thing is to not give up. I needed to hear that, because it can be frustrating for me a lot of times when other people I know can lose like 2 pounds per week as soon as they put their minds to it. I'm a slower loser, and that can be frustrating, so it was nice to hear this lady's story.

To keep you posted, I'm on Day 36 today. I realized that it was becoming a little too "optional" for me to try to be perfect for these 50 consecutive days, and the way I was going, it could've ended up taking 365 days to do my 50 days of perfection! :o) So, Trevor and I agreed that if I could do the last 37 days actual in a row - then I will buy myself a new pair of jeans at the end as a reward. So, I'm on it - I did the last 2 days right, which was tough! We decided this at 4:00 on Saturday, and I had only 6 and a 1/2 points left for the day and was having a friend over to watch a movie that evening too!! But I pulled it off and managed through yesterday too.

I'll be going to WW tomorrow and weighing in - and hopefully staying for the meeting too. I'm realizing more and more that the meetings are a huge part of my success... so I'll do my best to go - even if I have 2 crazy kids in tow, I guess!

but, the kids are up to something, so i'd better run... Bye! :o)

38 Days to Go...

Well, I finally moved on to Day 38 today. That means that I finally wrote down everything I ate yesterday - right till bedtime, and I did some exercise. Phew, I was on Day 39 for way too long there. :o)
On the up side, after putting in this effort, I'm starting to notice some results. I lost 0.4 when I weighed in this week, which is better than nothing! And I'm starting to see it when I look in the mirror, and even just that will help to motivate me to keep going. When I feel successful, I'm more successful, and that is what these 50 days are all about.
So, here we go with Day 38 - the countdown continues.

50 Days

So, I've been hiding from you all. At first, I was hiding cuz I wasn't eating well and was steadily gaining (oh for like the past EIGHT months!) and then, I've been hiding cuz I was doing better, but scared to share about it for fear that I'd screw it up and fall off the bandwagon again and then have to admit it to you. And between those two feelings, I've ended up not blogging like I used to. And not sharing anything honestly like I should be.

So, I'm sorry about that. I've been embarrassed of my lack of perfection and of my constant failures and staying on the plan. Boo!

But, I'm tired of hiding from you! And not using my weight loss/maintenance blog for what it should be - accountability! And, so, I'm going to seriously try to be more consistent about sharing with you here.

Starting with this - I'm currently on day 39 (COUNTING BACKWARDS!) of a thing I'm calling "50 Days of Perfection." Now, I know that you're going to instantly say that I'm setting myself up for failure by calling it that - but all that means is that I'm trying for 50 days to do some exercise everyday and to write down what I eat and not use any bonus points. IF I don't do one of those things, then I don't count that day. SO, what that means is that on March 22nd, it was day 50 - I'm counting down to day one - and that i've been counting down since then - i.e. I only have 39 more days of perfection to go. So, if you do the math, you'll see that there have been about 4 days so far that I haven't counted and have had to do over.

The reason I'm doing this is that I know myself well enough to know that success breeds success for me. If I feel like I'm doing well, I'll want to continue. Setting weight loss goals does not work. But, feeling good about myself does work. And so I thought that if I did 50 days well, by the end of that I'll hopefully be feeling pretty good and have the desire to carry on. I'm about 11 pounds above my WW goal weight right now -and nine pounds above where I need to be in order to be able to go the meetings for free again. And I'd really like to eventually be there again. That's where I felt best and that's where I was when I purchased most of my current clothes and I'd really like them to fit again!! So, I'm gonna keep-a-going with the 50 days thing, and I'll try to keep you all posted about how its going, instead of suffering in silence like I have been for the past 9 months or so. :o)

Tomorrow, I'll be doing Day 39 again just because I didn't write my points down today and that is a very important part of being perfect. :o) So, I'll let you know how Day 39, Take 4 (or something) goes...

Have a good week, Friends!

Still Counting, Still Trying

So here's the thing - I'm still here, and I'm still at it. I'm just a little tired of blogging about it. Hence the nearly 1 month of silence. Sorry.
But, in that month, I have attended Weight Watchers 3 times. The first time, I found out that since June, I had indeed gained about 15 pounds... GRR. But the next week, I went back to find out I'd lost 1.6 that week. yay. Then last week, I went again and found out that I'd lost 0.6 that week.
And so I'm still working at it.
But I just got a phone call telling me I have to leave NOW! :o) so I will go and hopefully it won't be another month till you hear from me...
Just wanted to keep you all posted.

Week 1 - Thursday

Points:
Cereal -3
snack -3
muffin-3
salad -5
vitamuffin and whipped topping -2
snitches while baking -3
roasted cauliflower soup -5
chocolate -1
LEFT: 0

I don't really remember Sunday...

Unfortunately, I didn't write my points down yesterday, but I'll give it a whirl:

french toast -4
coffee -1
KFC lunch -14
chocolate snitches -8
pb&j -3
pizza -8
grapes-1
LEFT: -15
I had 8 bonus points for the week left going into this day, and so I went over them, by 7 points. That means, I now have to do today and tomorrow without bonus points, and it wouldn't hurt me to do some exercise either!!! Unfortunately, I have a cold as of Saturday, and don't feel like it! But I will do my best to do whats best for my body... wish me luck.

Saturday's Points

Ugh, I had my points all written up and then my computer crashed and now i don't totally remember!
Here's my guess:
special k and bananas and milk -4
rice crisps -1
cookies -2
latte -2
pb &j -4
cookies -5
veggies and yam fries -3
Hmmm... I don't remember the rest of the day (its Monday morning now...) I think it involved a nacho platter and diet coke. So... -9?
left: -6?

Friday's Points

Points:
Oatmeal, toast, and OJ -5
McD's salad & FF & chocolate milk -5
vitamuffin and whipcream -2
dark chocolate -3
pizza and veggies and dip -11
popcorn and orange juice -5
mini wheats in night -3
LEFT: -8