SMART goal for this week

I weighed in a TOPS last night - lost 0.2 this week.  Guess that's something.  But what I'm here to share is that this week's SMART goal for me is: TO TRACK WHAT I EAT!!!  This has been on my list of goals for a verry verrrrrry long time, but I haven't done it for more than a day here or a day there for the past few months.  I've been rocking the exercise lately, and I know that if I were to actually get my eating under control, the pounds would just melt away because of the exercise I've been doing. 
I've been trying to use WW online to track and for some reason, that's not really working for me.  So, I'm now trying out myfitnesspal.com - which, incidentally, is FREE OF CHARGE!!! Why would I ever stick with WW online and pay money when I could do the same thing for free at myfitnesspal?? I don't know. 
So, this day, today is the first day that i am actually tracking everything - and I'm doing it over there at myfitnesspal.  If you're on there, feel free to add me - colleen_p is me.  I'd love to have you there with me.  :)
And I will report back here on how the tracking is doing - I really really wanna stick with it this time.

Bad News, Good News

Just thought I'd pop in on my own blog at least once a month to say that I'm still here! And I'm still exercising - I'm up to jogging 4 miles without stopping now, which is a big feat for me!! As a result of all the jogging, I'm definitely finding I'm more hungry, which doesn't help too much with the eating. I've been half-heartedly counting points this month, which is alright, but I'd like to get back to counting more faithfully for sure.

So the bad news? I weighed myself today for the first time in a month - and I weigh the exact same thing I did a month ago. I was hoping that the jogging would result in some good loss of weight. However, the eating has kinda balanced that exercise out, I guess.

And the good news? Is that I weigh exactly what I did a month ago, and not more. :o)

Exercising Away

Well, I'm still around and I'm really kicking myself for not keeping up with my blogging about stuff like I want to. But, better late than never, so here I am!
I did what I said I was going to do last time I blogged, and went hardcore for a few weeks of being "perfect" - it actually started to work quite well - and I'm starting to feel thinner and better, which is great.
A couple of weeks ago, I started training for a 10K run that is happening here on June 19th. I'm sure most of you already know about it from facebook, but I haven't mentioned it here yet. The training program that we're following is something that my friend Amy and her husband found, and Amy and I have been doing it together for a couple of weeks now - well 2 weeks and 3 days, to be exact.
Before we started it, the longest I'd ever run was about 20 minutes (about 1.5 or so miles at the most, I think), and that had been a stinking miracle for me. The last time I had done that was over a year ago, and I had since really fallen off of the jogging bandwagon. oops. So, now that we have started really training, it has been kind of a crazy learning curve - the first jog we had to do, for example, was 2 miles - and we really wanted to do it all at once - no walking and jogging mixed. ACK! Well, we did fairly well - ended up walking the last bit of it (because of me). But since then, we haven't walked at all and we've been doing longer ones as well - 2.5 miles, and 3 miles so far. This coming Sunday, we're up to 3.5 miles. (ACK).
What is awesome about all of this is seeing what I'm capable of. I NEVER would have thought I could even do what we've been doing so far (let alone what is coming up soon...). Amy is such a great friend - she has been very good about encouraging (and forcing) me to get out and do my best (which turns out to be better than I'd thought). She's patient and fun and I'm really glad to have her for my training partner!!
What is not so good, is that all of this exercise makes a person hungry, and I have started to fall of the counting-my-points bandwagon. I'm still doing fairly well, but not perfectly, which will probably just mean I'll end up staying the same and not losing weight. And I'd really like to lose a tiny bit more so that my clothes start to fit comfortably again.
SO, I really need to get back at it. I tend to want to dwell on the fact that I've screwed up - that I screwed up my 50 days of perfection, for example. I know I really need to focus instead on what I'm doing well (EXERCISE!) and that I've also counted points really well for the most part. I need to not get discouraged by slow weight loss. Its all about perserverance and life change, not perfection or losing weight super quickly. I just need to make life habits and I can stick with. I know all that in my head, but I need to know it in my heart too. So, I will work on that.
In the mean time, I really want to go comfort myself with food right now, cuz my sister left for Europe today, which makes her unavailable to talk on the phone our usual 6 times per day. And also, we got a bit of bad-ish news about another family member's health - which I'll tell you more about later... and all I want is a brownie sundae. ((SIGH))
Anyway, that's what I"m thinking about today. Just thought I'd share.

Stupid Murphy's Law

Okay, something I like to do is set my alarm a little early and get up to exercise before the kids wake up. But for the past 2 weeks (when we were at home, at least), Elan has been waking up earlier and earlier - yesterday and the day before it was something like 20 after 6. So, today I decided not to get up at 6:00 only to be interrupted in the middle of a jog. I woke up at 6:30 when Trevor left, but again, didn't get on the treadmill because I thought Elan would be up any minute.

Well.

Its now 7:23 and she is just starting to babble in there. And I could easily have gotten my walk/jog done.

Grrrrrrrrrr.

Guess I'll try to sneak one in at nap time...

Happy Easter!

I can't believe its been 10 days since I've posted here. I've been alive - plugging away. I've been doing fairly well (or really well) this week so far. I went to the WW meeting and it helped me to have some good ideas for how to prep for this Easter weekend. I've been doing my best and I"ll share more with you later...
But for now I just wanted to share that today I went for a jog OUTSIDE! Where people could see me!!! Yeah, it was crazy. I enjoyed it but I found it to be tougher than the treadmill cuz I didn't know how fast I was going, and I think I went too fast and got tired out pretty quickly. But still, it was great and I'm proud.
I hope you're all having a good Easter! Enjoy it! But not too many mini eggs.... :o)

My Report Back

Okay, so I did it - I got up even earlier this morning in order to get on the treadmill and it worked for the most part. Elan still woke up in the middle, but 25 minutes in, instead of 5 minutes in, so that's not so bad. I still managed to finish my 3 point jog. And now I'm on target for my points so far today. I WILL NOT fall off this bandwagon!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

So there.

I can do it. (And you can too).

My Thoughts Today

Oh, they are many... my brain is all over the place and I'm driving myself crazy. I had plans for a few different post ideas here, but now I think they're all gonna be jumbled into one.
Lets start with confessions and boasting... I have to tell you that this morning was one of the first times in a while that I ate a bunch out of stress and didn't care. The good news? It was really only 6 points worth... The bad news? I wasn't hungry, I've been doing good lately, and after that little binge, I am tempted to just be mad at myself all day for this, and it spoiled my lunch, which I am now craving even though I'm not hungry - simply cuz it is routine to eat lunch right now. grrr.
Okay, the boasting - I have gotten up before the kids yesterday and today and done my jogging. YAY. I have been slowly boosting the length of the jog and the speed of the jog. So today, I was up to a 5 minute brisk walk, followed by 21 minutes of jogging 5.3 mph and then a 7 minute cooldown walk. So, I'm pretty happy with myself for getting "back on" the exercise bandwagon. I put that in quotes cuz really - last week when I "fell off" the exercise bandwagon - all that meant is that I only jogged 3 times in one week -not 7. Which actually makes me laugh because that is still pretty good. But this week, I'd really like to do it daily, and so that is my goal again.

What else?

I've been feeling fat lately. Not feeling the boosted self esteem that I've talked about here before. Now that could be a symptom that a certain feminine experience is about to occur to me, but it makes me mad. How can I possibly look in the mirror at this body I've worked very hard to get to and see only the fat and the rolls??? Come on, Colleen!!! It just makes me mad that I still feel that. I think I'm going to have to accept that even the thinnest woman in the world could look in the mirror and see fat. That is something I'm going to have to work on with myself. I know that most people don't lose weight and then keep it off and I'd really like to not be one of those people. So one of the battles I'm going to have to fight is in my mind. Well really that is the biggest one. Learning to love myself just for what I am and then take care of this body just because its the right thing to do. But my brain is just so silly.

Anyway, I lost 0.4 last week - which was pretty much what I expected cuz I was bang on program for about half the week and the other half, I did pretty good but not perfectly. These last 4 pounds till my next goal are proving to be difficult! I think its just the lighter you get, the slower it goes. But even a 0.2 loss per week is better than nothing - and is better than a gain!!

So, I will keep on going! Sorry for the long rant. But I feel better getting that off my chest. Happy Thursday, Friends.

Rethinking the Plan

Well, I went to Weight Watchers yesterday and got a surprise - I had gained 0.2 over the past 2 weeks. My first reaction was to want to burst into tears right there (thankfully I held back). Its so frustrating being only 6 pounds (well 6.2 now) from my next big goal of being able to go to WW for free - and then to have a setback. I'm so close!!!! Grrrr. I know all of the things that I'm supposed to remember - like 1) I've been exercising and so I'm building muscle, 2) the scale is just one way to know how I'm doing - I should also look at how I feel and how I look, 3) the scale could be reflecting a difference in what I was wearing or had eaten that day compared to other weeks, 4) not to let it bother me, just keep on going and the pounds will come off.

I know all that.

BUT, I was still right ripped about it and sad too. I thought I had been busting my butt over the past 2 weeks and I wanted results!!!!

But I have to say that I came home and thought about it some more and decided that maybe I hadn't been as strict as I'd thought over the past 2 weeks. For one thing, I only got 5 stars in those 14 days that indicate a perfect day of points eating (with NO bonus points being used). For another thing, I was taking the Activity Points (APs) that I was earning and I was eating them every day. And for a 3rd thing - gaining 0.2 is not really a gain - its pretty much maintenance. And so that means that I just need to cut back a point or 2 daily from what I've been doing.

So, I think the new plan has to be something like this:

• I will stay within my 23 points every day this week.
• I will not use any bonus points at all.
• Instead, I will tally up my APs each day and use those as my bonus points throughout the week (because they are transferable - you can save them up and use them all at once, as long as you use them within that week).
• I will not let this discourage me and cause me to binge or give up. But MAN its frustrating.

As an example of my frustration, let me pick on my dear sweet husband, who just had his birthday on Monday. We got an ice cream cake for him on the weekend, and let me tell you - I have not had even ONE peice of it. Not one. He has been having at least a big peice a day since Sunday. In addition to this, we bought him a Mississippi Mud Pie frozen pie about a week ago - for him to have as treats in the evenings, while I'm having my Vitamuffin sundaes. He wasn't having any treats for the longest time, while I was sitting there with my sundaes, and so I bought him his own, because the Vitamuffins are too expensive to share.

ANYWAY, so he has also been having a peice of 12 point mudpie almost every evening for the past week or more. And it hasn't bothered me at all really. I generally like my vitamuffin sundaes and I know its all for the greater cause of losing weight, which is what I really want more than that food.

But last night, when he came downstairs with his mudpie after having a peice of ice cream cake for dessert after supper - I just about lost it! Luckily it came out as a joking rant with much ranting and stuff, and not actually as anger - because it is not Trevor's fault that he is 150 pounds and has been since I met him, give or take 5 pounds. (Literally, he's never been more than 155 or less than 145 in the 12 years that I've known him). Its not his fault that I was eating only a 1 point vitamuffin and exercising like a crazy fool and that I gained 0.2. And he IS really very supportive, which I appreciate, ... but darnit - at that moment, I realized that I'm getting VERY TIRED of being good!!!!

So, here's what I need to do. I need to remember why I'm doing this and that it is worth it. So, this week, I'm going to post every day about a different reason why it is worth it to me to keep going.

And it IS worth it.

That is my rant for the day and my new plan for the week. Sorry it was long - but I had to get that off my chest.

I Did It!

I set 24 APs as my goal for this week and I have finished it! WOOHOO!

I'm a little nervous about weigh-in today though, because for some reason my scale seems to be refusing to work this morning (dead battery??) and so I have no idea what to expect. Normally I weigh at home first and that way there are no surprises... So we will see.

I'll keep you posted.

The Day That Pigs Fly

I think that day has arrived.

Because I just jogged for 20 minutes straight.

By Choice.

And I didn't die... in fact, I feel quite good.

Weird.

Perseverance, Not Perfection

That is what I've been reminding myself of since yesterday evening, when after officially achieving a 40 pounds weight loss, I proceeded to come home, bake cookies, and easily consume at least 30 points worth of cookie dough and cookies - probably more.
BOO BOO BOO

But - I am always talking about not letting little slip-ups cause you to fall down, and so I am trying to take my own advice and look for the positive in this.

And here it is:
1. Last night's binge was my first binge since I started this whole "lose 10 pounds in 10 weeks" thing - which was on Tuesday, January 6th... which means that I didn't binge like a crazy person once in 5 whole weeks. Which I am proud of.
2. I'm glad I did it because it reminded me how much I hate overeating. I felt SO GROSS after and I felt so guilty and my self-esteem took a down turn and I just re-realized that pigging out isn't the fun that people often think it is.
3. Feeling fat and overfull yesterday motivated me more to exercise today, so I actually got up this morning at 6:30 and had finished my treadmill routine by 7:15 am. That made me feel good.

So, those are the positive things I'm taking from this. I know for a fact that my home-made cookies are my biggest downfall. For the longest time, I wasn't even allowed to make them (by my own rules). Then this week, we decided that we want to stop spending money on pre-packed-type foods for Trevor's lunch and start making them and packing them ourselves (ie. pudding, applesauce, cookies, rice krispie squares, V8 bottles, etc...) BUT, which item on that list did I proceed to prepare at home first?? The cookies. Big mistake.

And so, I think I've decided that for the couple extra dollars a month, cookies will have to continue to be the one item that we buy prepacked.

On another note - I had to up my jogging routine again today (every Weds is a new week in the program) and before I started, I really didn't think I'd be able to do it - I thought I'd totally die of exaustion - but after last night, I was more motivated to try - and I DID it and am feeling so proud and good and full of energy now. Hooray.

Here is what I'm on this week:
Theres always a brisk 5 minute walk to warm up first.
Then I did a 3 minute jog, 90 second walk, 5 minute jog, 2 and a half minute walk, 3 minute jog, 90 second walk, 5 minute jog, and then a cool down walk (which was about 4 minutes I think).

Seriously, if you'd asked me earlier in my life if I thought I'd ever do this on purpose (and enjoy it!!) - I would have said you're crazy!! If I can start doing this exercise, ANYONE CAN. So, if you happen to be one of my readers who doesn't exercise but wishes they did - I know how you feel and I just want to say that you can do it. Start slow with walking or whatever. You'll be happy you did.

One more thing - I just wanted you to know that I am currently wearing a pair of hand-me-down pants from my sister-in-law (Thanks Kerri!) that are SIZE NINE!!!!! (This is the first size 9 I think I've ever worn ... or at least I never wore a size 9 in my life before WW last time around). I can't believe they fit and I'm super excited about that. I got them last summer when we were visiting Chad and Kerri - back when I was size 16 or so. I took them in good faith that I would one day get to the point of fitting into them and here I am!! Yay! :o) So, these pants and the jogging this morning are making my day and I just wanted to share that with you.

Have a Happy Wednesday Friends!!!

Enjoying Exercise????!!!!????

Yeah, I just have to say that I'm shocking myself lately with how much I'm actually enjoying the exercise. SO WEIRD!! I have HATED exercise all my life. Hated it. But, I have done my walk/jogs daily for the past 11 days and have for the past 4 days added a sculpting weight work-out thing that I really like as well. And I actually love it.

I can't believe I just said that.

And - Trev and I each get monthly allowances of money to spend on whatever we want - mine is usually clothes or maybe a book, or something fun for the house or something. But yesterday, I spent my allowance on work-out pants (I already had the top), some 5 pound weights and a tension band thingy (see the pic below). I spent my free money on work-out stuff!

Seriously, I'm just having a hard time understanding myself lately.

But, I'm loving it, and so I will continue to do it. Its become MY thing each day - my time for me... and the kids are starting to get used to it. Today William was exercising with me. Too cute. I'm glad - one of my reasons for wanting to lose weight and get in shape is so that I can be a good role model for my kids. I'm glad its already kicking in.

My Latest Secret

Okay, I have to share something with you that I feel kinda embarassed about, but at the same time, am excited about.

I'm a ninja.

heehee

okay, maybe not really - but I have decided to start practicing Ninjutsu with Trevor once a week. He is a 2nd degree black belt in Ninjutsu and for a couple of years, taught 2 nights a week - usually he had anywhere between 1 and 3 students - so it was just small. But in the past several months, for varying reasons, his students have all been forced to stop coming (one will come back, but is just out because of an un-related back injury right now).

So, Trev asked me if I'd go out to the "dojo" (which is our renovated garage) with him once a week. At first I did it just for him, but I have to tell you, after 3 or 4 times, I'm starting to have fun... yeah. And I'm starting to think that maybe I'll continue, and try to get better at it and stuff. Cuz its cool. Really cool.

So, here is a picture of me in my gi. They're not the most flattering of outfits, but whatever.

And, for your enjoyment, here is a little video of me practicing my forward rolls (you have to be good at rolls so that if someone throws you down, its not scary, and you can just roll out of it). We're also practicing side rolls and backward rolls (which you will not be seeing a video of for a long, long time).

At first my forward rolls were terribly awful, but Trevor wanted to take this video to show me that they're getting better. Hopefully one day, I'll be able to post a video for you of me actually doing some really good ones. :o)

Anyway, that is my funny confession for today... we'll see what becomes of my new interest... but for now, I'm enjoying it - and I even get 1 AP for it too!

Tuesday Weigh In

Yes, I weighed in yesterday, and I lost 0.6 this week! And I'm impressed with that - because this week is my heaviest week of the month, if you know what I mean. Also, I started exercising this week and a lot of people don't show a loss the week that they start exercising, so I was satisfied with my 0.6.
Today I haven't been on the treadmill yet - William is sick - possibly with croup, the doctor thought - and so I've been busy with him and stuff - but I'm hoping to get on again soon cuz I'm actually starting to enjoy it (ahem) (i can't believe i just said that).
So, I now have 8.8 pounds to lose in 8 weeks - but I'm not worried, cuz I know I can do it.

A First For Me

This morning, I got up before the kids and got on my treadmill for 1/2 an hour of alternating walking and jogging. Yes, that is a first for me to get up before the kids and exercise. I like it. I feel good now.

Also, I'm copying Amanda, and am going to attempt the "Couch to 5K" program in order to gradually increase the amount of jogging I'm capable of doing. I was looking for a program to follow, and I'm excited to give this a try. So far, so good.

Just had to share.