"Voice of Recovery" for October 20, 2012

I haven't been to a meeting for 9 days, and i did get to one this morning, but had to leave early.  All that to say, I went to another one tonight, and thought I'd share the reading for it too...  I have to say that this reading scares me - I think I'm in the "pink cloud effect" right now... and I know that it won't always be the easy or inspiring to be a part of OA... I guess its like with any other program - it won't always be perfect.  Anyway, here is the reading:

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VOICES OF RECOVERY~

"Just as a sponsor is not responsible for the sponsoree's disease, neither are we responsible for her or his recovery."  ~A Guide for Sponsors, p. 12~ 

As I grow in the program of Overeaters Anonymous, I need to recall how it was in the early days of abstinence.    The pink cloud effect made me believe that everyone could do just as I was doing. 

After having several sponsorees drop out of OA, and others who found recovery in different ways,  I came to the awareness that I was not "in charge." 

Each person has his own path.  I need to follow what is best for me and let go of other people's programs.

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"For Today" - October 20, 2012

At every OA meeting, we have a reading of some sort.  I usually copy and paste them into a document to remember later on, but often wish I could share them with someone... anyone!  haha.  And I realized today that I could share the readings I really like here.  :)  So, this was the reading from this morning's meeting.  I really liked it because, although I have lost weight in OA, its really not the main benefit I've received & this is a good reminder of that and of how life was before.

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October 20^th, 2012

~FOR TODAY~

 Patience is a bitter plant, but it has sweet fruit.  ~German proverb~ 

Waiting is one of the worst things to ask of a compulsive overeater.  If I don't see results immediately, I get discouraged. 

In the days when I fought one obsession with another, I dieted compulsively and jumped on the scale compulsively.  I could put up with any discomfort, any deprivation--  for varying lengths of time-- as long as I did not have to suffer a "plateau;" to diet and lose no weight was intolerable.  Clearly, when something is intolerable, it is abandoned-- and so went every reducing scheme I ever tried. 

Thank God I am not here to diet and lose weight. 

For today: 

I am in OA to turn my life around-- and I'm willing to wait.
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Things Have Changed

So, after finishing up that post yesterday (which was really mostly written in August)... I got to thinking about how the me that wrote that post and the me now aren't really the same... I mean, I still love OA and all that, but I was just all crazy with excitment and energy and wanting to TELL! EVERYONE! ABOUT IT!!!  Now, I know that I DID post the thing on facebook yesterday about being 3 months sugar free, but I honestly didn't expect it to draw that much interest in comments/likes.  I was just kinda happy about making it 3 months.

I guess what I'm saying is that overall, I'm just feeling much more relaxed and ZEN about everything these days.  I don't really go around preaching to people about OA - not really.  I usually don't necessarily even mention it, actually.  So, I hope that I'm not coming across as trying to convert y'all or anything.  Just sharing what the good thing was that happened to me.

At OA meetings, as with AA meetings and other 12 step meetings, we start with the Serenity Prayer.  I didn't used to love it or even get it.  But it has been steadily growing on me, to that point that it has almost become like a mantra or something for me.

Here is what it says: 
God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change,
courage to change the things I can,
and the wisdom to know the difference.  Amen

I have really been learning in OA, through the meetings and readings and stuff to not try to control others or my surroundings quite so much.  To just be peaceful and... well, serene.  And I am loving this new-found aspect of my personality.  I have never felt quite so - happy or ... calm about my life.  I still do have stresses and worries, but I am feeling so much more able to handle them calmly as they come my way.  To breathe, and say to myself that whatever this stress is isn't worth eating over, and isn't worth throwing off my peace (or serenity). 

Man, I'm sounding like some sorty of hippy or something, lol.  But that is how I've been feeling lately.  Just wanted to share that - or get it in writing here for my own future reference, anyway.

Thanks.

OA

Hey there, I just thought I'd pop by and let any of you who are following me here (Amanda? Leanne?  Are you the only ones? haha) know that I am still here and I am happy.  I am happy because I joined Overeaters Anonymous on July 17th at 11:30 pm (haha) and as of July 18th, I have not had anything to eat with sweeteners in it of any kind - like aspartame, splenda, and also SUGAR.  Well, that's not quite true... I have had some ketchup still, and bbq sauce, and I have allowed myself some honey every now and then... mostly in lattes, as I used honey to wean myself off the sweetness of them - but for the past month, I've even been having them unsweetened.  Anyway, the whole no sugar thing has been FANTASTIC for the most part.  It has been hard - darn hard at times - but it has been worth it. 
I've always known that my problem isn't that I need a diet or more education on how to eat healthy or exercise more... its that I am a compulsive overeater.  And I have often thought that what I need is to have some sort of food-aholics anonymous like Alcoholics Anonymous... but I didn't know how that would work out and there was no group in my area.
Well, on that Tuesday night in July, I discovered that OA is online and the online meetings are actually pretty awesome.  They are 8 times a day, and so there is almost always someone in the chat rooms to encourage you if you need it.  And I love that.  Also, I didn't know how it would work out with food.  I mean, an alcoholic cuts alcohol out for the rest of their lives, but you can't cut out food, so what do you do?!?  I found out that what they do is cut out the foods that make them overeat - which for the vast majority of people is sugar.  They had me make three lists- a red light list, a yellow light list, and a green light list of foods.  The red light list is of foods that I can never eat without binging on them - ones that I HAVE to finish once I've started.  For me, some of those were foods like brownies, my homemade cookies, basically most desserts, blizzards, slurpees, french fries, chips, white bread, anything with real butter on it, etc.  Then, there is a yellow light list - those are foods you can sometimes eat with control, but other times cause you to have problems.  For me, some of those foods would be like lasagne, whole wheat bread, crackers and cream cheese, some fruits, fruit smoothies, etc.  The last list is the Green Light List - foods that never cause you a problem.  There weren't many on there for me - but things like pea pods, carrot sticks, raw broccoli, hummus, extreme pita's pitas without cheese, nuts, eggs, pickles, unsweetened oatmeal, unsweetened yogurt, etc.

Most people think they could binge on anything, but if you really think about it, you can usually find some greenlight foods.  However, there are some people that DO binge on everything, and so for those people, I think they go towards scheduled eating.  But I don't know very much about that.  :)

Anyway, I am running out of time here.  I acutally started this post back in August, but decided to finish it today.  I don't feel finished, but I'm out of time, so I'll just post what I have here and hopefully come back later and share some more! :)

If anyone is actually here and reading this - well, thanks for being here! haha.