Oh, they are many... my brain is all over the place and I'm driving myself crazy. I had plans for a few different post ideas here, but now I think they're all gonna be jumbled into one.
Lets start with confessions and boasting... I have to tell you that this morning was one of the first times in a while that I ate a bunch out of stress and didn't care. The good news? It was really only 6 points worth... The bad news? I wasn't hungry, I've been doing good lately, and after that little binge, I am tempted to just be mad at myself all day for this, and it spoiled my lunch, which I am now craving even though I'm not hungry - simply cuz it is routine to eat lunch right now. grrr.
Okay, the boasting - I have gotten up before the kids yesterday and today and done my jogging. YAY. I have been slowly boosting the length of the jog and the speed of the jog. So today, I was up to a 5 minute brisk walk, followed by 21 minutes of jogging 5.3 mph and then a 7 minute cooldown walk. So, I'm pretty happy with myself for getting "back on" the exercise bandwagon. I put that in quotes cuz really - last week when I "fell off" the exercise bandwagon - all that meant is that I only jogged 3 times in one week -not 7. Which actually makes me laugh because that is still pretty good. But this week, I'd really like to do it daily, and so that is my goal again.
What else?
I've been feeling fat lately. Not feeling the boosted self esteem that I've talked about here before. Now that could be a symptom that a certain feminine experience is about to occur to me, but it makes me mad. How can I possibly look in the mirror at this body I've worked very hard to get to and see only the fat and the rolls??? Come on, Colleen!!! It just makes me mad that I still feel that. I think I'm going to have to accept that even the thinnest woman in the world could look in the mirror and see fat. That is something I'm going to have to work on with myself. I know that most people don't lose weight and then keep it off and I'd really like to not be one of those people. So one of the battles I'm going to have to fight is in my mind. Well really that is the biggest one. Learning to love myself just for what I am and then take care of this body just because its the right thing to do. But my brain is just so silly.
Anyway, I lost 0.4 last week - which was pretty much what I expected cuz I was bang on program for about half the week and the other half, I did pretty good but not perfectly. These last 4 pounds till my next goal are proving to be difficult! I think its just the lighter you get, the slower it goes. But even a 0.2 loss per week is better than nothing - and is better than a gain!!
So, I will keep on going! Sorry for the long rant. But I feel better getting that off my chest. Happy Thursday, Friends.
1 comment:
Colleen, you are right. Learning to love ourselves is the hardest task out there. And even us "skinny" people have a hard time looking in the mirror and critiquing even the one roll that drives us crazy. So keep running along Colleen. You are looking amazing!
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