I hate the feeling of being out of control. Like when I'm in the kitchen at 10 pm and not actually hungry, but am stuffing my face like a maniac while no one is watching. I am not in control at that point. Or while I'm preparing supper and then cleaning up after supper, the constant picking at the food and snitch, snitch, snitching. It drives me nuts. I drive myself nuts doing that. And I am not in control.
When I am living out of control, I gain weight. Or at least certainly don't lose weight. I think about food constantly and, I am embarrassed to admit, often hide what I'm eating from other people. I act like an addict. Because thats what I am - a food addict. It amazes me how much I can identify with friends I have or have had who are trying to recover from other addictions - drugs, alcohol, smoking, etc. I think that the behaviours of addicts are in many ways universal. You just substitute what the object of the addiction is.
That is one reason that I have named this blog "A Lifelong Journey" - because I know that I will have to be working at this forever. I'm not just here for the weight loss - I'm here because of my addiction to food. This will be something I have to be conscious of all the days of my life.
So, the last reason on my top ten list is that I want to be in control. It feels good to be in control - not to have the food control me, but for me to control it. Things like throwing away the last 2 bites of cheese burger because I'm not hungry anymore, or not snitching brownie batter while I'm baking them because I don't have the points for it, or getting on the treadmill to jog even when I totally don't feel like it - because I know it is good for me and healthy for me and I will feel better when I'm done jogging. Those are things I never would have imagined would make me feel good - or that I could even do. But I have done them more and more lately and am amazed at how great I feel as a result.
Its funny cuz Trevor said to me a few weeks ago "You know what is most attractive about the new you, Colleen? ... Its your self-control."
Huh.
Not how I look!
Nice. Cuz, truthfully, having self-control is probably one of my most important reasons for me to be doing this. So I'm glad that its working.
I WILL KEEP ON GOING!! Only 3.6 pounds till I can go to WW for free! 5.6 pounds till my WW goal weight, about 11 pounds till I pass my lowest weight ever, and 17.8 pounds till my ultimate goal. I CAN DO IT!
3 comments:
Here's a little jingle that we use to sing to Eric & Sara when they were little and feeling discouraged (not that you are feeling discouraged right now)
"You can do it, you can do it, you can do anything, anything that you want to do. (Sing 2x or 3x or until they smiled)"
If you want to hear me sing it just phone.
Colleen, thank you for stopping by my blog and linking the blog candy. But you, my dear, are my new inspiration! Congratulations on your dedication and success with your weight. You are beautiful! I am currently where you started after being a petite * all my life. I am much older than you and my weight came on very quickly with the "pause" in my life and the onset of asthma. It is so hard to take it off, but your story is an encouraging testimonial. Thank you for sharing!!
um, proofing before hitting enter would be smart here..... make that a "petite 8". :-D
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