From Food for Thought
"With our heads, we know that food is not the same thing as love. When this fact sinks into our emotions, we are released from our obsession with food. In order to reach this point of emotional development, we need to abstain physically from compulsive overeating. As long as we are physically addicted to refined sugars and starches and binge foods, we do not have the perspective necessary to move away from our emotional attachment to these foods."
Saturday, November 3, 2012
Saturday, October 20, 2012
"Voice of Recovery" for October 20, 2012
I haven't been to a meeting for 9 days, and i did get to one this morning, but had to leave early. All that to say, I went to another one tonight, and thought I'd share the reading for it too... I have to say that this reading scares me - I think I'm in the "pink cloud effect" right now... and I know that it won't always be the easy or inspiring to be a part of OA... I guess its like with any other program - it won't always be perfect. Anyway, here is the reading:
________________________________________
VOICES OF RECOVERY~
"Just as a
sponsor is not responsible for the sponsoree's disease, neither are we responsible
for her or his recovery." ~A Guide
for Sponsors, p. 12~
As I grow in the program of Overeaters
Anonymous, I need to recall how it was in the early days of abstinence. The pink cloud effect made me believe that
everyone could do just as I was doing.
After having several sponsorees drop out of
OA, and others who found recovery in different ways, I came to the awareness that I was not
"in charge."
Each person has his
own path. I need to follow what is best
for me and let go of other people's programs.
_______________________________________
"For Today" - October 20, 2012
At every OA meeting, we have a reading of some sort. I usually copy and paste them into a document to remember later on, but often wish I could share them with someone... anyone! haha. And I realized today that I could share the readings I really like here. :) So, this was the reading from this morning's meeting. I really liked it because, although I have lost weight in OA, its really not the main benefit I've received & this is a good reminder of that and of how life was before.
----------------------------------------------------------------
I am in OA to turn my life around-- and I'm willing to wait.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
----------------------------------------------------------------
October 20th, 2012
~FOR
TODAY~
Patience is a bitter plant, but
it has sweet fruit. ~German proverb~
Waiting is one of the worst things to
ask of a compulsive overeater. If I
don't see results immediately, I get
discouraged.
In
the days when I fought one
obsession with another, I
dieted compulsively and
jumped on the scale compulsively. I
could put up with any discomfort, any
deprivation-- for
varying lengths of time-- as
long as I did not have to
suffer a "plateau;" to
diet and lose no weight was
intolerable. Clearly, when something is
intolerable, it is abandoned-- and
so went every reducing scheme I ever tried.
Thank
God I am not here to
diet and lose weight.
For
today: I am in OA to turn my life around-- and I'm willing to wait.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Friday, October 19, 2012
Things Have Changed
So, after finishing up that post yesterday (which was really mostly written in August)... I got to thinking about how the me that wrote that post and the me now aren't really the same... I mean, I still love OA and all that, but I was just all crazy with excitment and energy and wanting to TELL! EVERYONE! ABOUT IT!!! Now, I know that I DID post the thing on facebook yesterday about being 3 months sugar free, but I honestly didn't expect it to draw that much interest in comments/likes. I was just kinda happy about making it 3 months.
I guess what I'm saying is that overall, I'm just feeling much more relaxed and ZEN about everything these days. I don't really go around preaching to people about OA - not really. I usually don't necessarily even mention it, actually. So, I hope that I'm not coming across as trying to convert y'all or anything. Just sharing what the good thing was that happened to me.
At OA meetings, as with AA meetings and other 12 step meetings, we start with the Serenity Prayer. I didn't used to love it or even get it. But it has been steadily growing on me, to that point that it has almost become like a mantra or something for me.
Here is what it says:
God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change,
courage to change the things I can,
and the wisdom to know the difference. Amen
I have really been learning in OA, through the meetings and readings and stuff to not try to control others or my surroundings quite so much. To just be peaceful and... well, serene. And I am loving this new-found aspect of my personality. I have never felt quite so - happy or ... calm about my life. I still do have stresses and worries, but I am feeling so much more able to handle them calmly as they come my way. To breathe, and say to myself that whatever this stress is isn't worth eating over, and isn't worth throwing off my peace (or serenity).
Man, I'm sounding like some sorty of hippy or something, lol. But that is how I've been feeling lately. Just wanted to share that - or get it in writing here for my own future reference, anyway.
Thanks.
I guess what I'm saying is that overall, I'm just feeling much more relaxed and ZEN about everything these days. I don't really go around preaching to people about OA - not really. I usually don't necessarily even mention it, actually. So, I hope that I'm not coming across as trying to convert y'all or anything. Just sharing what the good thing was that happened to me.
At OA meetings, as with AA meetings and other 12 step meetings, we start with the Serenity Prayer. I didn't used to love it or even get it. But it has been steadily growing on me, to that point that it has almost become like a mantra or something for me.
Here is what it says:
God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change,
courage to change the things I can,
and the wisdom to know the difference. Amen
I have really been learning in OA, through the meetings and readings and stuff to not try to control others or my surroundings quite so much. To just be peaceful and... well, serene. And I am loving this new-found aspect of my personality. I have never felt quite so - happy or ... calm about my life. I still do have stresses and worries, but I am feeling so much more able to handle them calmly as they come my way. To breathe, and say to myself that whatever this stress is isn't worth eating over, and isn't worth throwing off my peace (or serenity).
Man, I'm sounding like some sorty of hippy or something, lol. But that is how I've been feeling lately. Just wanted to share that - or get it in writing here for my own future reference, anyway.
Thanks.
Thursday, October 18, 2012
OA
Hey there, I just thought I'd pop by and let any of you who are following me here (Amanda? Leanne? Are you the only ones? haha) know that I am still here and I am happy. I am happy because I joined Overeaters Anonymous on July 17th at 11:30 pm (haha) and as of July 18th, I have not had anything to eat with sweeteners in it of any kind - like aspartame, splenda, and also SUGAR. Well, that's not quite true... I have had some ketchup still, and bbq sauce, and I have allowed myself some honey every now and then... mostly in lattes, as I used honey to wean myself off the sweetness of them - but for the past month, I've even been having them unsweetened. Anyway, the whole no sugar thing has been FANTASTIC for the most part. It has been hard - darn hard at times - but it has been worth it.
I've always known that my problem isn't that I need a diet or more education on how to eat healthy or exercise more... its that I am a compulsive overeater. And I have often thought that what I need is to have some sort of food-aholics anonymous like Alcoholics Anonymous... but I didn't know how that would work out and there was no group in my area.
Well, on that Tuesday night in July, I discovered that OA is online and the online meetings are actually pretty awesome. They are 8 times a day, and so there is almost always someone in the chat rooms to encourage you if you need it. And I love that. Also, I didn't know how it would work out with food. I mean, an alcoholic cuts alcohol out for the rest of their lives, but you can't cut out food, so what do you do?!? I found out that what they do is cut out the foods that make them overeat - which for the vast majority of people is sugar. They had me make three lists- a red light list, a yellow light list, and a green light list of foods. The red light list is of foods that I can never eat without binging on them - ones that I HAVE to finish once I've started. For me, some of those were foods like brownies, my homemade cookies, basically most desserts, blizzards, slurpees, french fries, chips, white bread, anything with real butter on it, etc. Then, there is a yellow light list - those are foods you can sometimes eat with control, but other times cause you to have problems. For me, some of those foods would be like lasagne, whole wheat bread, crackers and cream cheese, some fruits, fruit smoothies, etc. The last list is the Green Light List - foods that never cause you a problem. There weren't many on there for me - but things like pea pods, carrot sticks, raw broccoli, hummus, extreme pita's pitas without cheese, nuts, eggs, pickles, unsweetened oatmeal, unsweetened yogurt, etc.
Most people think they could binge on anything, but if you really think about it, you can usually find some greenlight foods. However, there are some people that DO binge on everything, and so for those people, I think they go towards scheduled eating. But I don't know very much about that. :)
Anyway, I am running out of time here. I acutally started this post back in August, but decided to finish it today. I don't feel finished, but I'm out of time, so I'll just post what I have here and hopefully come back later and share some more! :)
If anyone is actually here and reading this - well, thanks for being here! haha.
I've always known that my problem isn't that I need a diet or more education on how to eat healthy or exercise more... its that I am a compulsive overeater. And I have often thought that what I need is to have some sort of food-aholics anonymous like Alcoholics Anonymous... but I didn't know how that would work out and there was no group in my area.
Well, on that Tuesday night in July, I discovered that OA is online and the online meetings are actually pretty awesome. They are 8 times a day, and so there is almost always someone in the chat rooms to encourage you if you need it. And I love that. Also, I didn't know how it would work out with food. I mean, an alcoholic cuts alcohol out for the rest of their lives, but you can't cut out food, so what do you do?!? I found out that what they do is cut out the foods that make them overeat - which for the vast majority of people is sugar. They had me make three lists- a red light list, a yellow light list, and a green light list of foods. The red light list is of foods that I can never eat without binging on them - ones that I HAVE to finish once I've started. For me, some of those were foods like brownies, my homemade cookies, basically most desserts, blizzards, slurpees, french fries, chips, white bread, anything with real butter on it, etc. Then, there is a yellow light list - those are foods you can sometimes eat with control, but other times cause you to have problems. For me, some of those foods would be like lasagne, whole wheat bread, crackers and cream cheese, some fruits, fruit smoothies, etc. The last list is the Green Light List - foods that never cause you a problem. There weren't many on there for me - but things like pea pods, carrot sticks, raw broccoli, hummus, extreme pita's pitas without cheese, nuts, eggs, pickles, unsweetened oatmeal, unsweetened yogurt, etc.
Most people think they could binge on anything, but if you really think about it, you can usually find some greenlight foods. However, there are some people that DO binge on everything, and so for those people, I think they go towards scheduled eating. But I don't know very much about that. :)
Anyway, I am running out of time here. I acutally started this post back in August, but decided to finish it today. I don't feel finished, but I'm out of time, so I'll just post what I have here and hopefully come back later and share some more! :)
If anyone is actually here and reading this - well, thanks for being here! haha.
Wednesday, January 25, 2012
An Article I Had To Share
I was reading my O Magazine the other day, and found a Q&A with Dr. Phil that I just had to share. The question was from a lady who had recently lost about 200 lbs, but was having troubles feeling good about herself. She still felt "fat" and she thought people were staring at her because she had some loose skin after losing all the weight. She even said that her feelings were "taking all the joy out of losing wieght and making me feels as if I did this for nothing." WOW. I thought that was a pretty strong statement for someone who lost 200 lbs! What about the health benefits!?!? Its not ALL about looking thin, is it? But, then, I thought, maybe it seems more obvious for a weight loss of that magnitude to be a good thing for your health. Maybe I am forgetting that even a 25 pound weight loss is also good for one's health. Hmmm.
Anyway, Dr. Phil's response was:
"Rest assured, your experience isn't uncommon. In the mind, body image and self-image often go hand in hand, so sometimes people believe that if they alter their appearance, they will fix their life. But it doesn't work that way. If you tend to think negative thoughts about how you look, chances are you will continue to feel the way you did before you lost the weight. A lasting shift in spirit comes from improving your internal dialogue. Therapy can help you get there.
You must change the messages you send yourself about your body. Begin by recognizing that you were not a lesser person when you were overweight, and you are not a superior person now that you ae thinner. What are your core traits, skills, and abilities? What do you love about yourself? Embrace those characteristics and gifts, and focus on what you have to offer..."
Wow. I really found this to be powerful. I think it applies to many more women than just those who have lost 200 pounds. I think that all of us deal with this in some way. How many of us are totally happy at the weight we're at? Doesn't almost everyone want to lose at least 5 pounds? Why is that?! We really need to learn to love ourselves for who we are on the inside! And also, we need to learn to look in the mirror and think good things about ourselves, not automatically nit-pick at ourselves.
So, right now, lets all take a minute and think of a few things that are awesome about ourselves. I'm going to try to do that today and you should too. :)
Anyway, Dr. Phil's response was:
"Rest assured, your experience isn't uncommon. In the mind, body image and self-image often go hand in hand, so sometimes people believe that if they alter their appearance, they will fix their life. But it doesn't work that way. If you tend to think negative thoughts about how you look, chances are you will continue to feel the way you did before you lost the weight. A lasting shift in spirit comes from improving your internal dialogue. Therapy can help you get there.
You must change the messages you send yourself about your body. Begin by recognizing that you were not a lesser person when you were overweight, and you are not a superior person now that you ae thinner. What are your core traits, skills, and abilities? What do you love about yourself? Embrace those characteristics and gifts, and focus on what you have to offer..."
Wow. I really found this to be powerful. I think it applies to many more women than just those who have lost 200 pounds. I think that all of us deal with this in some way. How many of us are totally happy at the weight we're at? Doesn't almost everyone want to lose at least 5 pounds? Why is that?! We really need to learn to love ourselves for who we are on the inside! And also, we need to learn to look in the mirror and think good things about ourselves, not automatically nit-pick at ourselves.
So, right now, lets all take a minute and think of a few things that are awesome about ourselves. I'm going to try to do that today and you should too. :)
Wednesday, January 11, 2012
Maybe I Need to Get Myself a New Teddy Bear?!?
This is what I was reading this evening...
http://www.firstourselves.org/2012/missing-link-overeating/
It just makes me want a good cuddle with one of my kids, or Trevor, or a teddy bear!! lol
p.s. I'm listening to the first lesson in session four right now (its an audio recording by Karly) - and I LOVE it so much. She is just so enjoyable to listen to - so peaceful and encouraging and understanding. I just want give her a big hug every time I listen to her! :) Anyway, I just wanted to let you know that I am on to session four ... I'll keep you posted!
http://www.firstourselves.org/2012/missing-link-overeating/
It just makes me want a good cuddle with one of my kids, or Trevor, or a teddy bear!! lol
p.s. I'm listening to the first lesson in session four right now (its an audio recording by Karly) - and I LOVE it so much. She is just so enjoyable to listen to - so peaceful and encouraging and understanding. I just want give her a big hug every time I listen to her! :) Anyway, I just wanted to let you know that I am on to session four ... I'll keep you posted!
Tuesday, January 10, 2012
I'll be back
A few have you have left comments in the last few days wondering where I've been. I really appreciate that. Christmas was rough... No, scratch that ... Christmas was wonderful!!! We had a great time. I may have eaten a lot and really enjoyed myself, lol!! Now that January is here, I know I need to get my butt in gear, and I've started by going on the treadmill a few times for a walk. That's been good. It's been interesting approaching the holiday season and especially the new year with this new attitude of trying to love myself ... It's a whole new concept!!!
Unfortunately now I'm sick... UGH!!! So I'm going to cut myself a little slack for now. I will get back to this Asap. But I just wanted to say thank you for checking in on me. I appreciate it!!
Also?? I made this post on my iPhone using voice text-- I didn't type a word of it-- just spoke the words into my phone and added punctuation!! Amazing, eh!?!?!?
Unfortunately now I'm sick... UGH!!! So I'm going to cut myself a little slack for now. I will get back to this Asap. But I just wanted to say thank you for checking in on me. I appreciate it!!
Also?? I made this post on my iPhone using voice text-- I didn't type a word of it-- just spoke the words into my phone and added punctuation!! Amazing, eh!?!?!?
Thursday, December 22, 2011
Be Kind...
"Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a great battle" ~Plato
(WARNING: THE FOLLOWING IS LONG AND PROBABLY SOMEWHAT DIFFICULT TO FOLLOW, AS IT WAS WRITTEN AT 4 AM AND WAS WRITTEN MORE AS A JOURNAL ENTRY THAN AS SOMETHING INTENDED FOR OTHERS TO READ)
Karly has all kinds of great quotes in the program I'm doing, and that's one I liked tonight. Everyone has something they're dealing with.
I have been realllllly beating myself up this week - a by-product of PMS, I think. And so, when I woke up at 4:00 with Elan tonight (this morning?), and I was laying in bed, feeling fat, fat, fat - (also by-product of PMS), I decided to come to my laptop and read one of my lessons. It lead me back to a worksheet from week two on the topic of honesty. Karly told us to take a few minutes to journal about the following things:
Number three above is the one I need to work on in order to really change - playing your edge is referring to picking the things you think you can actually work on each day to make a change. What I had chosen in the first place was to have no more than three sweet treats a day (like three little chocolates total) and to start exercising again. I did that for a very short time, but have not continued it. So, I need to get back to it - or pick a new "edge" - that place for me that I think is do-able, but also a little uncomfortable, causing me to make a small change from where I'm at right now. Since it is only three days till Christmas, this is a bit tough. I want to enjoy the holiday season, without a bunch of self-yelling or anything like that. I also don't really want to gain 10 pounds in the next 10 days (a very possible reality) - so, I need to figure out what that edge is for me this week.
Hmmmm.
I think getting back into doing a little exercise each day is doable - even just a 15 minute walk each day. And as far as food goes - just for this Christmas season... write it down? (Not permanently, mind you...i've already learned that that doesn't work for me!) But just as a safety mechanism to get me through without a 10 pound gain?
I haven't weighed myself for well over a month. And now, I'm a little afraid to - but also, I don't really see the point. I know I've gained a bit, and I'm trying to change. What does that number really matter? I can tell by looking at myself and by how my clothes fit what is going on with my weight - whether its a gain, a loss, or a stay... I'm thinking (because of the PMS!) that I should not get on the scale this week either.
Oh, and a third part to that edge I think should be to spend a little time each day just going back to my lessons and worksheets and stuff.
This sounds like a lot of work. Maybe I'm being too tough on myself for December 22nd. Hmmmm.
I'm going to think about making a realistic "edge" and maybe report back here in the morning (haha, cuz its 5:05 right now, and I've been awake for an hour, and my alarm is going off at 6:35 so I can walk on my treadmill... sigh)
Okay, that was a whole load of babbling - but I guess thats what I'm supposed to do. Karly said "spend 15 minutes journaling" about those three things I listed above, and I guess I just did!! It just seems much longer and less interesting than a normal blog post... but I guess thats what I said I was going to do - use this blog as my journal!
And, since you don't proof read journal entries, I'm not going to even proof read this!
(Sorry)
P.S. I have thought about it, and decided against the goal of writing down what I eat - that is one I never seem to be able to do, and so it would be setting myself up for failure. Not a good plan. Instead, my "edge" that she wants me to find will be to try to impliment the self-compassion when about to eat something I know I shouldn't (this is a long story, I'll maybe explain to you all sometime)... but for now, its enough to say that that is my plan for the holidays.
P.P.S If you're still reading this... wow. haha
(WARNING: THE FOLLOWING IS LONG AND PROBABLY SOMEWHAT DIFFICULT TO FOLLOW, AS IT WAS WRITTEN AT 4 AM AND WAS WRITTEN MORE AS A JOURNAL ENTRY THAN AS SOMETHING INTENDED FOR OTHERS TO READ)
Karly has all kinds of great quotes in the program I'm doing, and that's one I liked tonight. Everyone has something they're dealing with.
I have been realllllly beating myself up this week - a by-product of PMS, I think. And so, when I woke up at 4:00 with Elan tonight (this morning?), and I was laying in bed, feeling fat, fat, fat - (also by-product of PMS), I decided to come to my laptop and read one of my lessons. It lead me back to a worksheet from week two on the topic of honesty. Karly told us to take a few minutes to journal about the following things:
- Wanting to be advanced and not a beginner
- Trying to rush your process
- Playing your edge (referring to something we'd just been learning about before)
Number three above is the one I need to work on in order to really change - playing your edge is referring to picking the things you think you can actually work on each day to make a change. What I had chosen in the first place was to have no more than three sweet treats a day (like three little chocolates total) and to start exercising again. I did that for a very short time, but have not continued it. So, I need to get back to it - or pick a new "edge" - that place for me that I think is do-able, but also a little uncomfortable, causing me to make a small change from where I'm at right now. Since it is only three days till Christmas, this is a bit tough. I want to enjoy the holiday season, without a bunch of self-yelling or anything like that. I also don't really want to gain 10 pounds in the next 10 days (a very possible reality) - so, I need to figure out what that edge is for me this week.
Hmmmm.
I think getting back into doing a little exercise each day is doable - even just a 15 minute walk each day. And as far as food goes - just for this Christmas season... write it down? (Not permanently, mind you...i've already learned that that doesn't work for me!) But just as a safety mechanism to get me through without a 10 pound gain?
I haven't weighed myself for well over a month. And now, I'm a little afraid to - but also, I don't really see the point. I know I've gained a bit, and I'm trying to change. What does that number really matter? I can tell by looking at myself and by how my clothes fit what is going on with my weight - whether its a gain, a loss, or a stay... I'm thinking (because of the PMS!) that I should not get on the scale this week either.
Oh, and a third part to that edge I think should be to spend a little time each day just going back to my lessons and worksheets and stuff.
This sounds like a lot of work. Maybe I'm being too tough on myself for December 22nd. Hmmmm.
I'm going to think about making a realistic "edge" and maybe report back here in the morning (haha, cuz its 5:05 right now, and I've been awake for an hour, and my alarm is going off at 6:35 so I can walk on my treadmill... sigh)
Okay, that was a whole load of babbling - but I guess thats what I'm supposed to do. Karly said "spend 15 minutes journaling" about those three things I listed above, and I guess I just did!! It just seems much longer and less interesting than a normal blog post... but I guess thats what I said I was going to do - use this blog as my journal!
And, since you don't proof read journal entries, I'm not going to even proof read this!
(Sorry)
P.S. I have thought about it, and decided against the goal of writing down what I eat - that is one I never seem to be able to do, and so it would be setting myself up for failure. Not a good plan. Instead, my "edge" that she wants me to find will be to try to impliment the self-compassion when about to eat something I know I shouldn't (this is a long story, I'll maybe explain to you all sometime)... but for now, its enough to say that that is my plan for the holidays.
P.P.S If you're still reading this... wow. haha
Sunday, December 18, 2011
WHY I am doing this in the first place...
I think its important to note that I am not doing this because I want to lose weight and be 140 pounds (which is supposedly in the middle-ish of my healthy weight range). That's actually not it at all. If I could stay at this weight where I am right now (about 40 pounds over that), I would actually be okay with that too. Its the fluctuating that I hate. And the constantly obsessing about it and thinking about it. That drives me nuts. It was about last September when I realized - DUDE! You only have so many years to live on this earth. I do NOT want to spend all of my time here obsessing about my body! What a waste! There is so much more to think about - so much more good to be done. My brain could be thinking about so much other stuff, instead of counting calories all day long or berating myself for eating something I shouldn't have or fantasizing about what I'll eat next.
Trevor, my dear husband, is quite the opposite of me in this respect. He eats when he's hungry. He eats WHATEVER he wants. He stops when he's full or just past it. His metabolism is through the roof. He has been 150 lbs since I met him 15 years ago. He has had the flu a few times and been down to like 147 and has started working out every now and then to build muscle, and gotten up to perhaps 155, but that is it! No more than a 10 pound fluctuation in 15 years!?!?! And the kicker is that he doesn't even think about it. He has all of his brain space to spend not even worrying one stitch about what he's going to eat or not eat or how many calories something has. SIGH.
So, I am not here to lose weight - but to try to rearrange my thinking about food and about myself. I love the program I'm doing (http://www.firstourselves.org/) because it is teaching me to start out by loving myself where I'm at. To be thankful for what I have. And to not spend all my time (or any time!) yelling at myself in my head. I am loving that. And yes, I have gained a bit of weight as I'm learning not to yell at myself all the time - but that doesn't actually bother me that much. I just want to work through this and try to learn to be kind to myself and perhaps find a way of eating and a lifestyle that makes me happy and that is also healthy. Here's hoping I can make it there - at least it doesn't hurt to dream...
Trevor, my dear husband, is quite the opposite of me in this respect. He eats when he's hungry. He eats WHATEVER he wants. He stops when he's full or just past it. His metabolism is through the roof. He has been 150 lbs since I met him 15 years ago. He has had the flu a few times and been down to like 147 and has started working out every now and then to build muscle, and gotten up to perhaps 155, but that is it! No more than a 10 pound fluctuation in 15 years!?!?! And the kicker is that he doesn't even think about it. He has all of his brain space to spend not even worrying one stitch about what he's going to eat or not eat or how many calories something has. SIGH.
So, I am not here to lose weight - but to try to rearrange my thinking about food and about myself. I love the program I'm doing (http://www.firstourselves.org/) because it is teaching me to start out by loving myself where I'm at. To be thankful for what I have. And to not spend all my time (or any time!) yelling at myself in my head. I am loving that. And yes, I have gained a bit of weight as I'm learning not to yell at myself all the time - but that doesn't actually bother me that much. I just want to work through this and try to learn to be kind to myself and perhaps find a way of eating and a lifestyle that makes me happy and that is also healthy. Here's hoping I can make it there - at least it doesn't hurt to dream...
Saturday, December 17, 2011
And also?
I feel as though my progress with the "Heal Overeating: Untangled" (or First Ourselves) has been quite s-l-o-w and I know it is because I haven't been dedicating enough time/effort/attention to working on it. I bought it two months ago, and have only just started week three of the program. In the beginning, I was advised to get some accountability, or rather, support partners to help me out. I kinda chickened out and didn't really try too hard to set something official up for that, and I can tell that that wasn't smart of me.
SO, like i said in the post below, I think I'm going to use this blog as a place to journal my thoughts (we're supposed to have a journal for this process, but MAN does writing ever take longer than typing!) and I'm going to ask a few friends to kinda check up on me here every now and then, and also just in general I will know that I have friends who are reading here every now and then as well.
So, I'm going to post this, then post a link to it on facebook to remind people that this blog exists, since I've been ignoring it for like a year, and then I'm going to make myself post here on a somewhat regular basis. And also, I'm going to perhaps start over with my 12 week program. And try to actually do each week in a week or two, rather than in a month! :)
Okay, here we go!
SO, like i said in the post below, I think I'm going to use this blog as a place to journal my thoughts (we're supposed to have a journal for this process, but MAN does writing ever take longer than typing!) and I'm going to ask a few friends to kinda check up on me here every now and then, and also just in general I will know that I have friends who are reading here every now and then as well.
So, I'm going to post this, then post a link to it on facebook to remind people that this blog exists, since I've been ignoring it for like a year, and then I'm going to make myself post here on a somewhat regular basis. And also, I'm going to perhaps start over with my 12 week program. And try to actually do each week in a week or two, rather than in a month! :)
Okay, here we go!
Why People Gain Weight... a video from Dr. Barbara Berkeley
I follow a blog called "Refuse to Regain" and today, there was a very interesting article posted by Dr. Barbara Berkeley with a video lecture (unfortunately it seems to have been recorded in her daughter's bedroom! haha) that I thought I would share with you. Barbara is an internist who specializes in the care of overweight and obese patients. It may be a little long, but I found her take on weight gain to be very interesting - and also a great explanation as to why some people can eat a whole cheesecake without gaining weight, while others merely have to LOOK at that cheesecake to gain 5 pounds. Anyway, give it a watch if you have some time...
((Okay, apparently the video links just aren't working!! So, here is the link to HER post, where the videos can also be found... http://refusetoregain.com/refusetoregain/2011/12/what-causes-weight-gain-my-take.html?utm_source=feedburner&utm_medium=feed&utm_campaign=Feed%3A+RefuseToRegain+%28Refuse+To+Regain%29&utm_content=Google+International ))
((Okay, apparently the video links just aren't working!! So, here is the link to HER post, where the videos can also be found... http://refusetoregain.com/refusetoregain/2011/12/what-causes-weight-gain-my-take.html?utm_source=feedburner&utm_medium=feed&utm_campaign=Feed%3A+RefuseToRegain+%28Refuse+To+Regain%29&utm_content=Google+International ))
Tuesday, December 13, 2011
First Ourselves
Hello! I am thinking about using this blog again in the next while, so I stopped by here this evening to see what its looking like. :) If any of you are interested in what I have been up to weight-watching-wise in the past while, you can check out what I've been working on since October at http://www.firstourselves.org/ - I have actually purchased the 12 week program called "Heal Overeating: Untangled" and so far I am really appreciating the new outlook it is helping me to have towards food, overeating, and just myself in general.
One major part of what I'm supposed to do is to get some support, so I'm thinking that I will use this blog partly for that, as well as asking a few people to be my official support partners.
Anyway that is where I'm hanging out these days - at firstourselves.org and just wanted to share! :)
One major part of what I'm supposed to do is to get some support, so I'm thinking that I will use this blog partly for that, as well as asking a few people to be my official support partners.
Anyway that is where I'm hanging out these days - at firstourselves.org and just wanted to share! :)
Tuesday, April 19, 2011
P.S.
I added a fancy weightloss ticker down at the bottom - it is new, and it is starting from the point I'm at right now, this week. So, it doesn't take any past weight loss into account at all. I'm just starting here (at 173 pounds) and shooting to lose 25 pounds, down to 148. I don't have a timeframe set for that... but I'm hoping that I will just start to slowly lose and continually lose till I'm there - no more gaining for me!!! That is the most important thing to me right now.
SMART goal for this week
I weighed in a TOPS last night - lost 0.2 this week. Guess that's something. But what I'm here to share is that this week's SMART goal for me is: TO TRACK WHAT I EAT!!! This has been on my list of goals for a verry verrrrrry long time, but I haven't done it for more than a day here or a day there for the past few months. I've been rocking the exercise lately, and I know that if I were to actually get my eating under control, the pounds would just melt away because of the exercise I've been doing.
I've been trying to use WW online to track and for some reason, that's not really working for me. So, I'm now trying out myfitnesspal.com - which, incidentally, is FREE OF CHARGE!!! Why would I ever stick with WW online and pay money when I could do the same thing for free at myfitnesspal?? I don't know.
So, this day, today is the first day that i am actually tracking everything - and I'm doing it over there at myfitnesspal. If you're on there, feel free to add me - colleen_p is me. I'd love to have you there with me. :)
And I will report back here on how the tracking is doing - I really really wanna stick with it this time.
I've been trying to use WW online to track and for some reason, that's not really working for me. So, I'm now trying out myfitnesspal.com - which, incidentally, is FREE OF CHARGE!!! Why would I ever stick with WW online and pay money when I could do the same thing for free at myfitnesspal?? I don't know.
So, this day, today is the first day that i am actually tracking everything - and I'm doing it over there at myfitnesspal. If you're on there, feel free to add me - colleen_p is me. I'd love to have you there with me. :)
And I will report back here on how the tracking is doing - I really really wanna stick with it this time.
Monday, April 11, 2011
Monday
I liked that yesterday got me kickstarted on tracking - I actually prefer to do all my tracking at the weightwatchers' website, so I'm not going to do it here again unless I find that I'm not doing it there again! I hadn't written anything down today and realized that I was headed towards not tracking again, so I just sat down and thought it through and wrote it all out - so thank you to you invisible forces that are now motivating me to stay on track. I appreciate it! :)
Sunday, April 10, 2011
Sunday, April 10th
I have a whole post I want to write about my goals that I had below - but that's gonna have to wait. I'm only here today because I NEED to get back on track with my food tracking. And so, I told my accountability group that I would post my food for today here, and so here I am...
Today, so far, I have eaten:
1 eggo with 1C of diced peaches and 1 TBSP of fatfree cool whip (total of 2 points plus)
3 bites of Elan's eggo with sliced bananas and coolwhip (1 point)
1 "swig" of Elan's 2% milk... maybe 1/8 C? (1 point)
16 or so pita chips (2 point)
3 TBSP hummus (3 points)
1 apple (0 points)
Extreme Pita - Small Whole Wheat Veggie pita with feta cheese and vinagrette and also a cookie (drank water) (total 9 points?)
3/4 of a veggie burger with fat free cheese and bbq sauce (other condiments were 0 pointers) (6 points?)
1/3 C macaroni salad (3 points?)
5C popcorn and coke zero (hmmm...4 points?)
For a total of 31 points
I have 28 per day, with also 49 flex points per week, so I've used all my points, plus 3 flex points today.
Today, so far, I have eaten:
1 eggo with 1C of diced peaches and 1 TBSP of fatfree cool whip (total of 2 points plus)
3 bites of Elan's eggo with sliced bananas and coolwhip (1 point)
1 "swig" of Elan's 2% milk... maybe 1/8 C? (1 point)
16 or so pita chips (2 point)
3 TBSP hummus (3 points)
1 apple (0 points)
Extreme Pita - Small Whole Wheat Veggie pita with feta cheese and vinagrette and also a cookie (drank water) (total 9 points?)
3/4 of a veggie burger with fat free cheese and bbq sauce (other condiments were 0 pointers) (6 points?)
1/3 C macaroni salad (3 points?)
5C popcorn and coke zero (hmmm...4 points?)
For a total of 31 points
I have 28 per day, with also 49 flex points per week, so I've used all my points, plus 3 flex points today.
Sunday, March 6, 2011
SMART Goals
I just read this post HERE about setting SMART goals for oneself. I found it inspiring and so, I'd like to do the same. SMART goals are: Specific, Motivational, Attainable, Relevant, and Time-bound and they are something I haven't set for myself in a very, VERY long time.
I have to say that I joined TOPS last week, and while I'm somewhat excited about the support aspect of that, I have done nothing - NOTHING differently this week to try to lose weight. Like, no exercise, no tracking of eating (for more than 3 hours each day anyway), and not a lot of restriction on treats and stuff. And I am hating myself for it, and thinking - if joining a new weight loss program has done ABSOLUTELY NOTHING to motivate me, what will?? Ugh.
I think that perhaps setting extremely small goals for myself would be a start. So, I will brainstorm about that here. I haven't thought ahead about this at all, so bear with me if I ramble a bit.
For end goals, I would like:
-to have lost 25 pounds - i.e. to weigh 148 lbs.
-to be jogging regularly again - and to jog another 10K race in June.
-to be tracking what I eat on a regular basis.
-to fit back into my size 8 clothes
-to not huff and puff when I go up the stairs
-to be able to show my dear children what a healthy diet looks like and what healthy daily choices looks like and what knowing restraint looks like
-to be able to get dressed each day without feeling like nothing fits at all.
Alright, the only way to make those things happen is if I set more specific goals or milestones along the way. And I must remember to make these goals Specific, Motivational, Attainable, Relevant, and Time-bound.
My printer is broken right now, but when our replacement comes this week, I will print this list off and put it on the fridge or something to remind myself about this.
Also, I am hoping to start a weight watchers-type accountability group that meets at my home each week. My goal for this week is to pin down a day for this and get the plans rolling so that by next week, we could possibly have our first meeting. If you're interested in joining, please let me know! :)
Thanks for "listening" to me blather on, everyone. This has been a good mental exercise for me.
I have to say that I joined TOPS last week, and while I'm somewhat excited about the support aspect of that, I have done nothing - NOTHING differently this week to try to lose weight. Like, no exercise, no tracking of eating (for more than 3 hours each day anyway), and not a lot of restriction on treats and stuff. And I am hating myself for it, and thinking - if joining a new weight loss program has done ABSOLUTELY NOTHING to motivate me, what will?? Ugh.
I think that perhaps setting extremely small goals for myself would be a start. So, I will brainstorm about that here. I haven't thought ahead about this at all, so bear with me if I ramble a bit.
For end goals, I would like:
-to have lost 25 pounds - i.e. to weigh 148 lbs.
-to be jogging regularly again - and to jog another 10K race in June.
-to be tracking what I eat on a regular basis.
-to fit back into my size 8 clothes
-to not huff and puff when I go up the stairs
-to be able to show my dear children what a healthy diet looks like and what healthy daily choices looks like and what knowing restraint looks like
-to be able to get dressed each day without feeling like nothing fits at all.
Alright, the only way to make those things happen is if I set more specific goals or milestones along the way. And I must remember to make these goals Specific, Motivational, Attainable, Relevant, and Time-bound.
- So, to break the 25 pound loss goal into this idea, that would need to be in smaller increments. So, I kid you not, I think my first goal must be to lose ONE pound. I'm not even kidding. That would be a big deal to me right now - since all I feel like I've done for a long, long time is to go up. So, I want to lose one pound, i.e. be 172 pounds. After that, I'll up it a tiny bit, but still make it very small, so as not to feel overwhelmed. So, my next goal will be to lose 2 pounds (i.e. be 170 lbs), then to lose 3 pounds (167 lbs), to lose 4 (163 lbs), to lose 5 (158 lbs). I will, of course, be re-assessing these goals along the way.
- In order to work towards jogging - I will start with a goal of getting on the treadmill to walk or whatever just 2 times this week. Weeks start on Mondays and end on Sundays. Then next week, I'll up it to 3 times. After that, perhaps, I'll work towards adding in some jogging. So, my goal is that by the end of March, I'll be used to going on the treadmill 3 times per week, and I will jog for at least 5 minutes in each time. In April, I will re-assess and add new goals.
- Part of the difficulty I've been having is WHEN to go on the treadmill - I like to do it in the morning, but have been staying up WAAAAAY too late and so, I haven't been doing it. As such, another goal I'm setting is to be in bed by 10:30 on a regular basis. Maybe I'll say that on Fridays and Saturdays I can stay up later, but the rest of the week, lights out at 10:30.
- And the tracking goal. Well, this week, I'd just like to track every single thing I eat - doesn't matter how much I eat - just track it. Then, next week, I'll try to stay within my weekly allowance with the flex points and stuff. By the end of March, I'd like to have worked up to tracking every week and staying in my points - and I'd really love to stay within my daily allowance and save my extra flex points all for the weekends or 2 specific cheat-type days. But for now, just track - no matter what it is.
My printer is broken right now, but when our replacement comes this week, I will print this list off and put it on the fridge or something to remind myself about this.
Also, I am hoping to start a weight watchers-type accountability group that meets at my home each week. My goal for this week is to pin down a day for this and get the plans rolling so that by next week, we could possibly have our first meeting. If you're interested in joining, please let me know! :)
Thanks for "listening" to me blather on, everyone. This has been a good mental exercise for me.
Thursday, February 17, 2011
Well, Hello There!
I canNOT believe that its been three and a half months since I have posted here!! Honestly, that is insane. One might be lead to believe that I have given up altogether on WW and that I am gaining weight hopelessly. Thankfully, that is not the case. I have been plugging away since November - doing what was my best at the time to eat what I should and still live my life. And the result has been to maintain the weight I was in November.
I joined Weight Watchers Online in November, and honestly I have really been liking it for many reasons. However, the reason that I initially joined was to find a support group of people who would hold me accountable and stick with me, and that is the one thing I am not impressed with the WW online for. I feel like a total island - no one knows I'm there, and so I could disappear and no one would care or call me on it. And that is not good. So, that is something I'm still searching for me in my life - an accountability system (of people who are like me or who understand what it is like).
But the thing I DO like about WW online is the way it is set up for tracking what you eat and when you exercise and how it calcluates point for you - especially the way it calculates points even of recipes you make and things. There is no more excuse to not know the number of points of something you're eating! I love that.
Anyway, that is what I have been up to around here. I was recently inspired to start blogging about my weight loss/food addiction issues again by a blog I came across called Diary of a Fat Dad. It is inspiring to me that he lays it all out there for the world to read and is honest about his thoughts and feelings. I admit that I have often used this blog as a place to post when I'm doing well, or close to doing well - and not so much when I struggle. But that is HARD to do - to lay it all out there. I have been inspired to try anyway. But for now, I'm just here - making sure my blog hasn't disappeared - and saying hello. I'm not committing to anything yet, just saying that I'm thinking about it!
Oh, and p.s. another blog I'm loving these days is a friend of mine's from high school - she's on a mission to turn herself into a slim and muscular goddess or something! :) You can check her blog out here - called Chunky Monkey: Slaying the Fat Monster. :)
That's it for now!
I joined Weight Watchers Online in November, and honestly I have really been liking it for many reasons. However, the reason that I initially joined was to find a support group of people who would hold me accountable and stick with me, and that is the one thing I am not impressed with the WW online for. I feel like a total island - no one knows I'm there, and so I could disappear and no one would care or call me on it. And that is not good. So, that is something I'm still searching for me in my life - an accountability system (of people who are like me or who understand what it is like).
But the thing I DO like about WW online is the way it is set up for tracking what you eat and when you exercise and how it calcluates point for you - especially the way it calculates points even of recipes you make and things. There is no more excuse to not know the number of points of something you're eating! I love that.
Anyway, that is what I have been up to around here. I was recently inspired to start blogging about my weight loss/food addiction issues again by a blog I came across called Diary of a Fat Dad. It is inspiring to me that he lays it all out there for the world to read and is honest about his thoughts and feelings. I admit that I have often used this blog as a place to post when I'm doing well, or close to doing well - and not so much when I struggle. But that is HARD to do - to lay it all out there. I have been inspired to try anyway. But for now, I'm just here - making sure my blog hasn't disappeared - and saying hello. I'm not committing to anything yet, just saying that I'm thinking about it!
Oh, and p.s. another blog I'm loving these days is a friend of mine's from high school - she's on a mission to turn herself into a slim and muscular goddess or something! :) You can check her blog out here - called Chunky Monkey: Slaying the Fat Monster. :)
That's it for now!
Monday, November 1, 2010
Well, That Didn't Work
... but I won't give up. Hence, the title of this blog.
We tried the facebook group - and it just kind of dwindled, which is okay - nobody's fault. I think its just a testimony to the fact that going to an actual weight watcher's meeting at a specific time, seeing people face to face is so much better than an online group that you can kind of ignore and let go (myself included in that!). And so, I think possibly, I'm going to have to figure out a way to get back to those meetings. SIGH. They are expensive and they are at a terrible time of day (5:45 pm)... but I need them. Let's face it.
Thanks for sticking with me friends. I'm not giving up. In fact, I'm trying to formulate some sort of plan between now and Christmas, where I stick to it and try to lose a bit before the holidays. I know the basis of that plan should just be writing down what I eat - especially writing down what I eat, and not going over my daily points allowance, not even flex points. Cuz I now that's what I need to do to lose.
Its just so hard. And I really am tempted to give up. But I can't.
I won't.
So, on with the journey...
We tried the facebook group - and it just kind of dwindled, which is okay - nobody's fault. I think its just a testimony to the fact that going to an actual weight watcher's meeting at a specific time, seeing people face to face is so much better than an online group that you can kind of ignore and let go (myself included in that!). And so, I think possibly, I'm going to have to figure out a way to get back to those meetings. SIGH. They are expensive and they are at a terrible time of day (5:45 pm)... but I need them. Let's face it.
Thanks for sticking with me friends. I'm not giving up. In fact, I'm trying to formulate some sort of plan between now and Christmas, where I stick to it and try to lose a bit before the holidays. I know the basis of that plan should just be writing down what I eat - especially writing down what I eat, and not going over my daily points allowance, not even flex points. Cuz I now that's what I need to do to lose.
Its just so hard. And I really am tempted to give up. But I can't.
I won't.
So, on with the journey...
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